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how to get adult sister not to be jealous of other sister

My oldest daughter has always for some reason been jealous of her younger sister and I don't know why!

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • she obviously feels neglected. And its your job as the mommy to make her feel as important as your other kids.

    You probably (im assuming, pls correct me if im wrong!) didnt spend much time with her, because you were busy with the younger kids. Thats normal, but not good for the older kids. Now she is how old? 18+?.... Its hard to make her feel better now, where its almost too late.

    Talk to your daughter, she should be old enough to understand. Make a mother-/daughter-day. Go out shopping, have fun with her. Show her how much you love her and how important she is for you. Make sure you go alone with her. Only her and you. I think she really just wants her mom.

    good luck

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 4:45 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • My oldest dd is 19 almost 20 and my youngest is also the only other girl and is almost 4. My oldest is somewhat jealous of her sister but she for the most part also understands I gave her what I could as a young mom, and now being more accomplished can give the baby more things. I think sitting down and talking to them is best. You really cant do much about jealousy sometimes, its a sibling thing.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:02 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • My mom did all of that with my sister while we were growing up and it still didn't keep her from being jealous of me. Even my sister admits it had nothing to do with our Mom. It just always seemed, to her, that stuff came easy to me. While she had to work really hard to get there. Add to that the fact that my sister is an insecure person by nature and there was nothing my Mom could do.

    Talk to your daughter and see if you can find out where it's coming from. Then see if the two of you can come up with a way to help her past it.

    Answer by desert_diva at 5:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • sibling rivalry has caused jealousy since Cain and Able. Not sure you can help. It's not your issue. You may have to let the one dd work it out on her own

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • The only thing you can do is to reassure her that you love them both the same and then prove it by demonstrating it to her. You might even try explaining to her that you love them the same but that sometimes it is differently demonstrated. She may see traits in her sister that she feels are lacking in her own life and she needs to be reassured that it is okay to be different in some ways. Every child is different and I think we parents sometimes make the mistake of trying to love them all in the same way. See if you can determine what her special "love language" is.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:37 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • well, i am probably more your kids age, i am 27 and i am a TWIN. the sibling rivalry will always be there. my sister is 1 min. older than me, but she has consistantly needed my mom for everything. we both graduated school together, she was 'average' and i got 'good' grades. i went to college, graduated first, she graduated 1yr 1 month after me. I got married before her, she waited 3 yrs. she follows in my mothers footsteps, having a baby before she was married, then marrying a man that doesn't love her etc..... she always is in 'trouble' and has to have either my mom or grandmother bail her out of some financial situation.


    Answer by armywife117 at 6:11 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • at 20 i got married to the man i love. we had a baby when i was 21. he deployed to iraq 3 times, for a total of 35months of tours. I have been very independent from the day i started high school. i knew that i wanted to go to school and having a mother that couldn't manage her bills, well i knew that i would have to get a scholarship to get to college. i guess i have learned to deal with being a adult and my sister hasn't.

    she whines and complains non stop, and has my grandmother of 68 baby sit for days for her 3yr old. doesn't pay her, asks for money all the time from her, my mom gives her what ever she can.


    Answer by armywife117 at 6:12 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • i can say that i am jealous that my sister doesn't realize how good she has it. i live 1700 miles from any family or friends. i can't just 'fly' over any time, i got a house, kids, dog,cat , cars and a hubby to take care of. she says she never gets any 'time to herself' but yet goes out to bars every weekend or to friends houses for the weekend and lets my grandma babysit.

    i feel that she is a stubborn brat. spoiled in every way. yes i am jealous, that she takes advantage of every person in her life, never thinking that what she says or does could hurt them.


    Answer by armywife117 at 6:12 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • well, i hope this gives you some insight, but its often those little things, like her telling me to take a taxi to BWI airport when its 2 hrs away, that really pissed me off. i am family, we should do for family. she wouldn't take a afternoon off work to drive me down, when my hubby took 1wks off work to stay at home and watch our son so i could fly to my mom-whom had a heart attack. i stayed with my mom for 4 days, and my sister was upset cause i didn't come to see my niece. i am sorry but i didn't fly over for her, although i love her to death, i flew over cause i thought my mom was dieing and i might never see her again.

    Answer by armywife117 at 6:13 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • i wanted to help her so much. i ran ragged for 4 days, to and from the hospital, only leaving her side to sleep and eat. i bought her groceries for her apartment, and new tires for her car, i bought her meds for 1 month and i couldn't stay longer, cause my sons birthday was in2 days. its just so freaking hard knowing that i can't do anything and she sits at home, only visited my mom 2 times in the ICU. i was 5 months pregnant at the time!

    Answer by armywife117 at 6:13 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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