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Getting over it?

I have been in a relationship for almost 4years now and for the past year is has been horriable. Every month he leaves for a couple of days because we get in a arguement and I think that it is going to be over but we always end up getting back together. Last week we got into a physical altercation for the 4th time. Since this happened I have not wanted him to touch me and I have been sleeping in a diffrent room . Yesterday we got into a arguement and he left . One reason I have been around for the past months is I lost my job so he has been taking care of all the financal bills but I am tired of being down/sad in this relationship its not worth it. There has been many times I have said this but I really need help thats why I have decided to post this message. I am flat broke with rent and a car payment plus hundreds of dollars in debt and a child to take care of . So what I need is positive advice. Thank you

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • What's the chances the two of you can work things out and make things good between the two of you again? Defining what exactly makes you unhappy in the relationship is important to talk about . Of course the physical altercations would have to stop. If that doesn't work then make a plan. Find a job. start saving money and looking for a place and a good and reliable sitter. Maybe you could room mate with a friend and trade babysitting if you worked different shifts.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:50 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • This is tough...do you have family you can go to? Maybe stay with family and go back to school? It isn't good for your child to be around this...You need to get out now. I am really sorry, but NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A WOMAN!!! LEAVE
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 4:51 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Physical altercations? Get your important documents together while he's gone and get the hell out as soon as you can! Don't threaten, don't hint. Gather any money, go to a shelter.
    If you have to give up the car, bummer. This is how women stay alive. They sometimes leave.
    Call a victims advocate, courthouse has the number, or a women's shelter. Leave!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Have you looked into what possible aide you can qualify for? What about staying with family? Have you looked for employment? You must get away from this guy with these altercations. They aren't healthy or the type of example you want even a small child to witness. They most likely will increase in incident and severity. Please, call around and ask for help. You deserve it, and so does your child.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 4:55 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Sadly, it is time for you to move on. This relationship isn't working. Contact social services for information on child care and job training. Don't stick around in such an unhappy and abusive relationship. It is bad for you and unfair to your child. Make a new life for yourself. If you don't know how to contact an agency, call the hospital or your doctor or a minister- one of them should know.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:00 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • ABUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE, I AGREE WITH THE OTHER MOTHERS GET OUT,AND YOU HAVE A BABY.I GOT BEAT,BIT, ALMOST RAN OVER WITH A CAR. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOU DECIDE TO GET OUT WHEN IT IS TO LATE. YOUR BABY NEEDS YOU, CALL INTERACT THEY HELP ABUSED WOMAN. PLUG INTO THAT AND THE REST THEY WILL DO. YOU WILL NOT HAVE NO WORRIES.I WOULD TELL ANY WOMAN IF HE HITS YOU ONCE, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. NO DISRESPECT I MET MY HUSBAND IN CHURCH, THE DEVIL IS THERE TOO, JUST BE CAREFUL. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR LOVEONE.DO YOU HAVE FAMILY?
    twinswilliams

    Answer by twinswilliams at 5:42 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • It sounds like he is emotionally distancing himself away from you. What are the circumstances that he comes back? Does he say he'll miss the kids? Or you?

    It's not right that he leaves for a couple days; that means he has somewhere to go when he's pissed at you, and that's not good. He's escaping the situation, and that's not a way to work on things.

    I seriously think you guys need to either go to therapy if you want to work on it; take a vow not to spend the night somewhere else, or leave each other if you think it's over.

    Love is a VERY HARD position to be in; it's true there's a thin line between love and hate. So just concentrate on the love part and start to let things work itself out.

    averillholistix

    Answer by averillholistix at 5:49 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • It's really hard to feel secure in a relationship when you have no money coming in; the money kind of gives you power. I know this first hand. Start to recognise this, and try to find strength within yourself.

    Oh, and make a pact; look him in the eye.. that you guys never touch each other other than to love one another.

    I believe you guys can heal if both of you have made a decision to stay together. But if one of you has made the decision that it isn't salvageable, then talk about it.
    averillholistix

    Answer by averillholistix at 5:51 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I've had situations where I've had physical altercations. One was where I threw a box of cereal at my DH, and another was when he pushed me away ( long story) before you guys talk about ABUSE, know the details. ALWAYS.
    averillholistix

    Answer by averillholistix at 5:53 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • You need to be safe. As a social worker, the first thing I think about is "Safety". Are you safe, is your child at risk of being physically hurt, has your child witnessed any of these physical altercations. You should consider going to a shelter, they can help you find housing and even a job.
    Yve538

    Answer by Yve538 at 6:30 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

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