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How to forget him....

My ex has been on my mind ALL WEEK. I feel so guilty...it is making me snap at my SO. He and I never had a sexual relationship, but we were very emotionally involved (which to me means more). He left for the Army almost 3 years ago, and we decided to not try a long distance relationship. I now have my daughter, and I do love my SO very much...but my ex is coming home on leave in a few months...in the past, I have gone to lunch with him, but I just feel like since I have a daughter now that doing something like that is inappropriate. I would never cheat, but I just feel so darn guilty thinking about him! I miss him a ton...he was my best friend for a long time. I really want to see him, but I know that it will cause trouble with me and my SO.
Should I talk to my SO about it, and let him know that I will be seeing him for lunch? Or should I talk to my ex about it, and tell him that we can't talk anymore...
Continued...

 
CarolynBarnett

Asked by CarolynBarnett at 5:22 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Be open with your SO. Do not see the other gentleman alone, your SO should be there every time. Even if he says it is OK, don't do it. If you see the other man at all, it must be in the company of your SO. It would be perfectly natural for your SO to wonder or even be suspicious, even though he may say that he wouldn't. And there is no reason, from what you have said, that you should need to see him alone. Also, the presence of your SO there would apply brakes, if they are needed. Good luck. I hope that you and your friend are able to get back in touch since he means so much to you, but if your SO doesn't go along with it, then you need to make a decision about whether to stay with him. Be fair to him.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Continued...

    He and I have decided in the past not to talk anymore, but neither of us can stick to it for more than a month or two...then we just HAVE to see how the other is doing...

    I feel like I am doing wrong no matter what I choose....what would you do?
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 5:23 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • ask yourself if your SO had lunch with a ex or had feelings how would it make you feel.....I hope you make the right choice .....

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • If you feel you can have a friendship with your ex without cheating on your SO then IMO you should. But talk to your SO and see how he feels. You don't want to do something that would jepardize your relationship with your SO or hurt his feelings.

    I've maintained a friendship with one of my exs. He's a good guy, just not a good boyfriend/so/whatever. My husband knows about him and our history and doesn't mind my being friends with him so long as that's as far as it goes.
    amethystrse

    Answer by amethystrse at 5:26 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • The risks of teling your SO.... 1)if he's secure in the relationship, he'll be okay with it at the risk of getting cheated on...
    2) if he's not secure in the relationship, he'll always wonder and resent you and the trust will be broken.

    If you meet up with your ex and tell him this is the last time, that will resolve things.

    If you don't meet up with your ex, you will feel resolved with time.

    If you meet up with your ex and keep meeting up with him, IMO that will be destructive to your relationship b/c it will eat away at you and your SO's trust levels. It's just human nature.
    averillholistix

    Answer by averillholistix at 5:36 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOING GOOD? IF SO LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE, MY OLD LOVE CAME IN TOWN , MY RELATIONSHIP I HAD WAS AN ABUSE ONE, SO HIM AND I SEEN EACH OTHER AND KNEW WE WERE SUPPOSE TO MARRY ONE ANOTHER. I LEFT OUT OF THE ABUSE RELATIONSHIP, AND I AM HAPPY AS EVER,MY OLD LOVE REALIZE SINCE 1981 HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME AND STILL DO. IF THAT IS NOT YOUR CASE LEAVE IT ALONE,OLD FEELINGS WILL KICK UP. AND THINGS WILL BE UGLY. OR TAKE YOUR HUSBAND WITH YOU.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

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