Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you think I am over reacting?

I am a SAHM but I run a part time daycare (3 days/wk), have a jewelry business and also do FT virtual Admin work from home. I work 50 + hrs/wk. I bring in really good money too. Before I started doing all of these jobs I did not mind taking care of the house by myself, cooking, take care of our child, wash clothes and do everything that needs to be done in the house. The only thing that my hubby did was just mow the lawn and give our son a bath at night. Since I am doing all these jobs I feel like he should be helping more than what he's been doing. I don't think I should do all that and also make the money too. I am so tired at night but still cook every night. If I don't cook then we order food. When I ask him to help he laughs as if it's a joke. Do you think I'm over reacting? Am I right to ask for help? Should he be doing more? I feel like he is just being selfish and inconsiderate.

Answer Question
 
Prwdmommy

Asked by Prwdmommy at 11:02 PM on Jul. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • i had a similar problem with my husband. he was a sahd for almost a year. he started working almost a month ago and it is grave yards. he used to cook and clean etc. but just stopped once he got his job. basically i told him, we both work, we both cook and clean. don't like it theres the door. you can't be lazy just because you have a job. no we try to split things so that they are as close to even as possible. good luck and don't take any grief for needing/wanting help. and if he still doesn't want to help tell him to pull in some over time and hire you some help.
    carinsmommy

    Answer by carinsmommy at 11:14 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • Hell no you're not over reacting! A marriage is supposed to be an equal relationship, especially when there are kids involved. Even if you weren't working, being a full time mom is no walk in the park like most men seem to think it is. Mowing the lawn and bathing his child? Puhleez!!! Sign me up to be a working father! I want to be entitled!
    Firedagger

    Answer by Firedagger at 11:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I think you know the answer to your own question. You just have to try and be objective about it. If your friend came to you with this question, what would you tell her? By the way, I thought I would kill my husband tonight because I asked him to load the dishes in a way that they would actually get washed and he called me OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and walked out of the kitchen. I totally know where you are coming from, I just wish I knew how to fix it.
    unga

    Answer by unga at 11:24 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • could you quit 1 or even 2 of your jobs? That way you will have more time for your family and be less tired for your husband. If your income is a necessity then have a serious talk with him, tell him how you feel.
    classicalambian

    Answer by classicalambian at 11:47 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • No you're not over reacting! I think married is a 50/ 50 partnership. He needs to step up and help you. You are not super women and you can't do it all on your own. I was in the same situation. You need to voice your option and let him know you mean business. You are not the only parent. When he acts like that it makes it feel like your a single parent all on your own. You should not have to put up with that. Your a human being too! I sure things will get better. Hope I helped. Danielle
    Loviepoohbear

    Answer by Loviepoohbear at 11:55 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • It is your DH not us you should be saying all that to
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • No you are not overreacting, you didn't make the kids by yourself so you shouldn't have to do everything by yourself, marriage is a partnership, I am a SAHM and there are nights when I am tired and my husband will take over and do everything.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:04 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • You have to talk to him and tell him what you need him to do. You are not overreacting at all, but he probably views you as still being at home (which is a harder job in and of its self) buy may not realize how your time has changed. Talk, when you aren't angry and see if you can come up with a solution that clearly states what you want him to do.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 7:53 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Of course you deserve to have some help around the house. Sit down with him and tell him you refuse to do all the work and housework as well. Come up with some compromises. If he doesn't want to cook, he can do other things, like the laundry or the dishes. You can even make a chart detailing the responsibilities each has around the house.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 1:00 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN