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What it love?

I am thirty something and I have an abusive husband but yet I continue to stay with him. Is love when you want to throttle someone just because they walk in the room because they are so mean to you most of the time, or is love when you feel sorry for them because you know what made them an alcholic was your first born being disabled. He wasn't able to handle it. We gave up everything and went from being rich to being poor. Is love for your son that keeps you together because if you leave state to go with your family he will loose services for his autism. Other states don't have the funding for. I've cheated and fell in love with a guy at work as I posted before. However, what is love?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jul. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (2)
  • First off your husband did not become an alcoholic over your son. Alcoholism is a disease. If he is an alcoholic he was predisposed to be that before your son was even thought of so get rid of that idea.
    No, your abusive relationship is not love. It is probably trauma bonding and co-dependency. Love has respect in the equation. I didn't hear that in your post.
    Why can't you get housing and stay in your state for the medical funding? Call the local domestic violence shelter and ask them what they can offer you and your son. Or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and see what your state offers. 1-800-799-7233 or online at
    Live in peace with your son. Let your h find his own peace without draining you of your joy. Find yourself and you will find love. It comes from within so you can share it with others and have it returned by the right man.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • admckenzie is right, alcoholism is a disease. Your husband or you may want to use your son's disability as a reason, but you would both be wrong. Your husband just uses your son's disability to legitimize his drinking. I am in recovery, 13+ yrs, we all made up excuses: depression, job, kids, money, marriage..none are the answer only excuses. Your husbands needs to get honest, you need to get the help you need along with finding the appropriate care for your son, but staying with your husband while he is drinking won't help anyone. Pull yourself up by the boot straps, stand tall, gather your strength and say NO MORE. I'm going to do right by ME and my SON with or without you husband. Pray for strength. HE will guide you. Trust in yourself. You will make it.

    Answer by s.c.a.r.l.e.t. at 8:54 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

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