Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you where tourmented a beat as a child what are the chance that you won't do the same to the child that you bring in to this world?

If you where beaten instead of spanked are grounded. Being tourmented as a child growing up the way my mother did me when I was a child. What make me hope to god that I won't do the same to my daughter on her way?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Jul. 14, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • I was beat as a child even while I was pregnant at age 17. I have five kids and sometimes I wil not punish them afraid or repeating history and there has been a time or two when history has been repeated just not as bad. The main thing is to pick your battles,and know when to walk away. If you feel like your going to go nuts on the kid then you need a time out. Its not easy breaking the cycle but it can be done.
    luvmyticos2006

    Answer by luvmyticos2006 at 11:35 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • You are not your mom It's your decsion on how you want to raise your kids. I think what you have been through, you already know what not to do because it hurts in ways you would never want the child to go through. be strong you will be fine just believe in yourself.......
    bunco

    Answer by bunco at 1:02 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I was beat and verbally abused as a child, by my mother and she was by her mother. I have chosen to "reverse the cycle". I don't want to be the way they were so I don't even spank my kids...I talk to them. It really is up to each individual parent to raise their children and discipline them however they like. You don't have to do what others do.
    Susan0976

    Answer by Susan0976 at 7:35 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • the fact that you are afraid says a lot about you.
    when I was young i wanted to raise my child the same way I was raised, thinking that it would make a child stronger.
    later I fell apart. I am an emotional wreck a lot of the time, and I know that I cannot beat my child, I do not want her to feel like a WORTHLESS piece of shit like I did my WHOLE childhood.
    the fact that you are scared you will lose it, means that you will watch yourself and focus on not doing it! YAY!
    I'm so glad we are trying to break the cycle!
    -continued-
    Destiny13

    Answer by Destiny13 at 12:12 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • -continued-
    I asked my brother how to handle it when you feel that way, and he said "just walk away, or you'll never forgive yourself, It's better to make the child mad by not finishing the conversation with them, than it is to lose it, walk away, take 5 minutes and come back and finish the talk"
    I don't lose it now, my child is too little, but I will have to pull together all of my mental strength to be a good mommy. it's just hard to know what to do when you only know what you are raised to know, so learn other ways, and remember to just keep cool....
    remember how much it hurt, and how much you want yours to be happy, and to be able to know what TRUE happiness is!
    good luck I wish you all of the best!

    ps If you would like I can post a journal or something with a few things I've copy and pasted from parenting advice sites.

    Destiny13

    Answer by Destiny13 at 12:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.