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How involved are your hubbies with the baby? Is this normal?

My son is almost 6 months old. Since the day he was born, I have gotten up every 2 hrs during the night, changed every diaper, fed him every meal... everything. I love it & wouldn't trade my super-close bond w/ my son for anything. He's a mama's boy, but he's really had no choice. My husband considers kissing the baby & MAYBE spending 3-5 min a day "playing" with him being a good dad. He works & I stay home, so I think he feels like he doesn't have to help me w/ him since he brings in all the money. I don't need his help w/ bathing, feeding, diapering, etc. I'm used to doing it all by this point & we have a routine. It just really makes me sad to see our son watch every move he makes & get SO excited if daddy looks his way, all while my husband just pretty much ignores him. I just wish he would WANT to play with his son. He does so many adorable things that my husband doesn't even realize he can do until I tell him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (12)
  • You need mommy time. Make a date with yourself to do whatever you want. ie: long tub soaks, eat out with a friend, walk in the park, uninterupted movie, whatever you want. make it at least 2 hours and at least once a week. FORCE dad to be DAD to his son. It might be hard on him at first, but if you stick to it, you will feel better and he will know his son.
    classicalambian

    Answer by classicalambian at 11:57 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • BTW, sadly...I think your problem is quite normal. Men are just strange creatures. And it is usually their loss, but they don't even know it.
    classicalambian

    Answer by classicalambian at 12:00 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • sounds to me he needs to remember he is a dad you have a job and so does he but when that job is over you both are parents i find sometimes men don't feel like they fit partly because we don't give them time to bond create time you need him to watch the baby even if you don't leave take a shower he'll start telling you things he does and you can act excited which will help him feel like he did it right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • My husband works while I stay at home but we still share the parenting, him playing with his son or feeding him and giving him a bath not to mention changing diapers allows more bonding time between the two. My husband is proud daddy and he wouldn't have it any other way, he loves the time spent between him and his son.
    JustinScottsMom

    Answer by JustinScottsMom at 12:09 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • sometimes it is alot harder for men to understand that while their children are babies they need their daddies some men have it programmed in their genes that while their children are babies they are 100% mommies responsibility that babies need their mommies not their daddies and unfortunately they dont realize that they are missing out on the best time of their childrens lives this is when they develop the most and learn so much im sure that when your son is older your husband and your son are going to be inseperable when he can actually do active things with him and play games with him and take him out then thats when some men feel thats when they need their daddy hopefully for your sake i hope he comes around alot sooner than that
    mcwilsonsmom210

    Answer by mcwilsonsmom210 at 12:40 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • It is very natural for dads to be distant from little babies. It has been said that moms bond with them at conception (or birth) and dads bond with them when they start walking and talking. I have found it to be true in my own house. Think about it from his perspective. The baby really needs you more than him right now. You provide the food, and you (most likely) instinctually know better what to do. Dads are just clueless to a lot of it, but they know how to play with a toddler! Give him some time, but also ask him for help when you need it.
    not_perfect

    Answer by not_perfect at 1:35 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I think that the little things that babies do aren't what's important to a man. They are more interested in the child's future, from what I have noticed from other fathers. I don't think he is neglecting him or ignoring him. The baby is still small, wait until he gets a little older...I am sure he will be more involved then.
    Susan0976

    Answer by Susan0976 at 7:31 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • TO BE HONEST, IT IS THE SAME THING ON THIS END. EXCEPT I WANT MY HUSBAND AND KIND OF EXPECT MY HUSBAND TO HELP WITH THE KIDS. I JUST DON'T EXPECT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE. WE WENT TO A FRIENDS OUT THE OTHER DAY, JUST ME AND THE LITTLE ONES, AND DRAKE LOVES HANGING OUT WITH MR FRIENDS HUSBAND MATT BC HE PLAYS WITH HIM AND STUFF. AND WELL THEY WALKED ME HOME AND MY SON CRIED AND FUSSED WHEN MATT LEFT. I ALMOST CRIED. ITS PRETTY SAD WHEN THE ONLY MAN PLAY TIME HE GETS IS WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIS FATHER.
    WAYS_WORLD

    Answer by WAYS_WORLD at 7:45 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • My man does 50% of everything maybe even 60% when he is home. He bathes, diapers, read books, play toys, feeds. I would sit him down tell him how you feel and tell him there are plenty of working Dads who help out. Jamie(my man) works 6 days a week usually 60 hrs. so I doubt he's working more then that. He needs to step up before your baby gets old enough to feel like why won't Daddy have anything to do with me...good luck (((HUGS)))
    cdogdevon

    Answer by cdogdevon at 8:14 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Rather it's normal or not you are not alone. My hubby is the same way and our kids are 4 and 2. He has never changed 1 diaper or got up 1 time through the night with either one. But I knew it would be this was going in, I was the one wanted to have kids. I feel your pain!!
    redtang912

    Answer by redtang912 at 8:40 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

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