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Should we call our sons girlfriends parents when he goes there?

Our 16 year old son has his first girlfriend for past month now. He has gone to her house once for a few hours. Tonight he is there again. Should we call there to make sure her parents are there? He says they are but should we call anyway? He thinks we are being untrustworthy by asking for her home phone number.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • You have every right to know where he is at and who is with him. Also, it's not being untrustworthy it's being a caring and loving parent asking for the phone number. I assume he drives, so yes I would call the girls parents. You know, it may at times be an inconvenience for them to have your son over. As parents sometimes we don't like people coming and going in our homes if we are resting and enjoying the peace and quiet.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:18 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • That is a touchy one. As a parent you want to (I would) but you also want to give your child the benefit of the doubt, just pray for the best. I just can't help thinking what if...the parents are not home and things get steamy and they get caught . It will be a lesson learned. Or talk to your son let him know how you feel tell him for him not to give you a reason not to trust him. Give me what I want from you and I will give you what you want...deal....deal...and there won't b any problems. Teenagers are going to do what they want anyway weather you know or not. Good Luckboy kissing mom

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:25 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Hey, you are good parents. I like the idea of calling her parents to let them know your 16 year old is visiting with their daughter. It is caring about this girl as well as your son. It is being respectful to her parents. But I would give him fair warning and knowledge that you intend to call with each visit to make sure this family is aware of his presence. I would also require that they hang at my house from time to time if this were my son. This way it is not all on the other parents. It may be a drag for him and for you but good parenting often requires us to do some very uncool things.  It would be even more uncool for him to end up with a red itchy penis from some STD.  Oh, and I would also provide information on sex and safe sex.  Plus I would go over my expectations, hopes, concerns, and personal values.  After that it is up to him.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I think the fact that he is accusing u of not trusting him for asking for something as simple as a phone number should raise red flags. What if there were an emergency? I think u tell him either give up the number or no more visits-cut and dried.It not only has to do w/trust, but respect, for u and her parents.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:34 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I would be calling and making sure they are home.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 1:57 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • There isn't anything wrong with making sure now and then. There is way too many parents these days who do not do enough checking behind their teens and they just trust them until they get caught in such a big lie that it cannot be missed. If they know you will be checking now and then, they are more likely to not risk lying in the first place. And I'd also want to know how much supervision her parents require while they are there. Some parents let them go to their bedrooms with the doors closed while they remain downstairs, for example. Blows my mind! I'd want my child to be in a more chaperoned environment, so I'd be asking about that. Some people are just too ok with teens having sex - to the point they allow it in their home so they don't go elsewhere to hide it.
    GrowingMama

    Answer by GrowingMama at 2:32 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • At his age he needs for you to trust him, and by calling the GF's house it does show that you don't trust him and it's going to make him want to lie to you about things. My vote is to not call there until you have reason or justification to believe he isn't being truthful. Growing up I was always brutally honest with my parents, when I drank under age I'd call them to come get me because I knew I could trust them as long as I was honest. However one night they didn't believe me about something and them showing their distrust in me b lew our relationship, I stopped being open with them and I started hiding things since to me at 16 it didn't matter either way what I did.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 2:55 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I would call, but not to ask if the parents are there, just to call for something else that you need to speak with the parents about.
    Speak seriously with the parents once you have them on the phone and ask them to call you whenever your son goes over there and whenever he leaves for your peace of mind so you know he is okay. Also, work out a transportation schedule - who would like to pick up and drop off for "dates" that the kids will go on.
    This way, you are assuring yourself that the parents are home, that they know of your concerns, and that you are calling for a another reasonable request.
    All you have to tell your son is that you are the parent and it is your responsibility to see to his safety if he gets angry about your calling them.
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 8:49 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • um...YEP. By him being defensive about the issue, it can be an indicator of secrecy. I guarantee you that if they get the opportunity to be alone, they are going to take it. Theres nothing wrong with calling to just let them know hes on his way and make sure its okay if he comes over. Because I am a mother of a teenager, I have been increasingly irritated at the NO of responses that tell us to just trust our kids. What the hell? No freakin way am I going to trust a 14 yr old who has indicated to me that shes not trustworthy. So we are supposed to trust them and let them call the shots out of fear that they will rebel and then when they screw up, we have to be financially and morally responsible for their actions that we had no control over? NO way.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:36 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I have. But also don't assume that meant they will supervise, my ds and his friend went to the friends gf's house I made sure the parents would be there, however the teens were in the basement and the parents on the 2nd floor- a whole floor between them- the whole time!
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 2:50 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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