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Why is He turning Me down?

You know those comfortable couples on t.v. portraying that the men constantly beg for sex and the women have all the control over where and when...Well my life is the opposite. I have a very high sex drive and apparently he doesn't...anymore. We used to do it 3-5 times a day, after the first year it was atleast once a day and now after almost 4 years its down to once a week. I understand why, we are both tired and usually the baby won't let us. But I could still do it everyday! Sometimes I get so fed up with waiting for his days off to do it that I will initiate something, and he will flat TURN ME DOWN! I can't even begin to explain what it does for my self-confidence... Does your SO turn you down too? Why do you think he does it? I initiate sex almost every time and about 85% of the time he turns it down? Is he cheating? HEEELLLPPP!


Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I wonder if he thinks the sex is the only interest you have in him. Are you expressing appreciation for his hard work to provide for you? Are you making him to feel that he is top priority in your life, even before the children? Are you building his self-esteem or are you tearing it down? Are you complaining all the time about the lack of sex? Or are you giving him a back rub even when you know it's not going to get you what you want? It's a little known secret, but men have feelings, too, and they run very, very deep. His number one need is respect from his wife.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:29 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I don't think he is cheating there could be other things wrong stress can kill a mans sex drive just like it can a woman speak to him about it and see what he says

    Answer by bubblycute at 3:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I went through the same thing with my husband 3 years ago. It made me feel like something was wrong with me! He used to always want sex and I hated it! Now I could do it everyday. Whats caused my husbands loss of desire for sex is stress and worry and medication. it don't really make me feel any better, but at least I know whats causing his troubles. It made me feel like I was dirty, gross, smelled bad.... I do know he isn't cheating, hes on disability for narcolepsy! Good luck!

    Answer by TammyG. at 3:15 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Ok, well here's a little more background. He has been semi-unfaithful in the past. He has never had any physical relationship with another women but has had emotional ones with two of his ex's (that i know of). I understand that stress or just being tired could do it, but here's why I'm not convinced of that. He has been working A LOT lately. We kind of need him to work a lot, but it really seems like he would rather be there than at home. Also, his 'infidelities' in the past were carried out while he was at work. He would communicate with his ex via his work email/phone ext. Am I just dwelling on the past, or is him turning me down a legitimate reason to be concerned? btw I have spoken to him MANY times....its always the same thing. He is tired. Sometimes the way he turns me down comes off as disgust.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Well.... my answer to that would be to do some investing of your own. I know it seems childish, but when you feel like your being put 2nd in line, then do what ever has to be done to get some answers. He would never have to know. I don't think its bad to check up on him, espicaly if he's been unfaithful in the past. Thats just my (childish) opinion LOL

    Answer by TammyG. at 3:44 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Then too, if he's working a lot, it may just be that he's working a lot. My Dh works 14-18 hr a day and it really impacts our sex life - whereas 5 children don't. I've found that when I back off a bit and quit throwing it up to him repeatedly he is more open when I say "OK. Lets... before I scream!" I do make it a point to not take it personally when he says no. If I start feeling down about it after a few times, I'll ask "Is something wrong? You keep turning me down." He sometimes just hasn't noticed. Because he's needing it less now he doesn't realize how long it's been. If I say "It's been over a week." he'll say "Oh! Sorry!" and we'll either do it then or make a "date" for the next day when he's had some rest.

    Answer by GrowingMama at 3:53 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Have you gained a lot of weight since being pregnant?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • i hate to burst your bubble but i had the EXACT same problem with my ex and i found out it was because he was cheating...dont get scared find out first hes not my ex husband but maybe look into it or talk to him about it

    Answer by akashaismyworld at 4:31 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • please dont over react & my case may be totally different than yours. But my hubby is the one with the hi sex drive, i always complied because i love being with him. when his attention began to dwindle, i thought it was me, i need to fix up more, had to be my fault, he was making me feel that i repulsed him. even after we'd have sex, he jump up to grab a shower (it never bother him before) sometimes he'd just walk out & leave. we used to lay & talk & kiss. so my feelings got hurt more & more. I got to feeling so unattractive, i didnt want to leave the house for anyone else to see me...then i caught him cheating.well my self-esteme is really in the toilet....i cant stand to even look at myself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Try playing a little bit harder to get, men like more of a challenge.

    Do you know if he is still masturbating or not? If he is, he might be getting turned on now only by some "kink" he sees from porn or whatever. Is there something he used to want to do that you always said 'no' to before?

    I don't have this problem but i see a LOT of moms on CafeMom that complain about it so it must be fairly common.

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 9:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

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