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I dont understand what is wrong with me!

I have two daughters and their ages are 2 and 6 months. I loved when I just had my 2 year old and I never planned on having another. But I ended up pregnant and had a second daughter. From day one of that pregnancy I never wanted the baby. No, I never considered abortion so dont bash me on that one. I have never felt attatched to her at all. And truthfully I dont even know if I love her. I saw my doctor about this when she was 2 months old. They put me on Zoloft for PPD. Well I take it every day and there is no difference. I am not even sure if it is PPD anymore. I really just dont have any attatchment to her and I dream about those days that I just had the one child. Please know that I dont want to harm my baby at all. I just want things back to the way they were. I only wanted one child and I feel that this is why I have the feelings I do. Did/does anyone have these feelings too? How do I get rid of them?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Perhaps you could talk to a therapist. I'm terrified of ever getting pregnant again for the same reasons I only want one child and the love I feel for him I feel like I could never duplicate. Have you thought about adoption? Are you married if so have you voiced your concerns to your DH? I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with this.

    Answer by bubblycute at 3:13 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Oh honey I am so sad to read this, for you and your 6 month old daughter. I think you may have set yourself up mentally though before she was born to be disappointed. Dissapointment is definantly what it sounds like to me. Honestly if you dont even feel any love towards this child I dont think she should be in your life and you should seriously consider giving her the gift of a family who does want her and will love her no matter what. There a TONS of couples and singles out there that just are not able to have a child but have sooooo much love to give. I personally think it would be a positive outcome for both of you because she would be raised in a home that loved her and you would not feel guilty for not loving her and would not build any more unneccesary resentment towards her. No child should grow up in a home where they know they are not loved or appreciated

    Answer by ReneeLRS at 3:18 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this and feeling this way. I'm sure it makes you feel bad. I can't imagine having another baby any time soon, and do not know how I would feel if I was to get pregnant right now. I might feel the same as you! But this really does sound like PPD. Maybe you can research some alternative methods for helping it. I wish I could tell you how to get rid of your feelings. All I can say is that this little baby girl did not ask to be born. She was brought here by your actions, and she is your responsibility. She is helpless and all alone without you! I don't mean to make you feel guilty but try to look at it this way: how would you feel if your mother felt the same way about you when you were born? Maybe start with concern and it will turn into love. I'm sure once you get to know her better your bond will strengthen. I hope something I said was helpful! Good Luck!

    Answer by SolielStarrMom at 3:19 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I know what you are going through. My last baby was a huge surprise, at the time my youngest was 9 and now I was having to start over again. I've had terrible thoughts, and alot of the time I feel like I can't handle things. It's a terrible feeling. I'm bipolar and that really adds to it also. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby and wouldn't take anything in the world for her, but to be honest, she has turned my life upside down, but I do believe things will straighten out. They always have for me, just sometimes not as fast as I would like for them to, but things will work out. Good luck.

    Answer by TammyG. at 3:39 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • It may be that you need a different prescription. Zoloft may not be working for you. Too, try to cultivate loving feelings for this child. We love by doing - and I'm sure you are caring for her - but do so with a sense of reminding yourself that you want to love her. Say out loud "I love you" and "I want you" until you begin believing it and feeling it. Otherwise she will know the difference and it will not turn out well. People bounce back from almost anything quicker than from rejection. And rejection by mom? Ouch! Talk to Dr again. Try different meds. And practice thinking and acting in loving ways to Baby. Encourage older sis too by saying how much "we" love Baby. She may also develop your feelings if this continues.

    Answer by GrowingMama at 3:47 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Thanks so much ladies for your responses. I felt horrible even posting this. I didnt want anyone to bash me because I dont think I can take that right now. Truthfully I would love to put her up for adoption but my DH said no way. He was mad that I even mentioned it. He said that he would divorce me if I even thought about it again. I know first hand what its like to be rejected because my father disliked me. He really wanted a boy the second time and when I was born he was so disappointed. He never wanted anything to do with me and we still to this day dont get along. He loves me other sisters very much but he acts distant towards me. But that is another issue. I will seek some other help. I really do want to turn this around before it gets any worse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:06 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • hmm maybe adption..give her to a family that will love her

    Answer by akashaismyworld at 4:29 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Perhaps you are just completely overwhelmed. I have a two year old a three year old and a 7 mo old. With the lack of sleep etc, sometimes I feel as though i am not as good a mom to my youngest as I was to the others. Try to make time for yourself, but also try to spend one on one time with your youngest, when you arent stretched too thin. Sometimes you just need an opportunity to bond. I hope you find a solution.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 6:49 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I'm ashamed to say this but I felt the same way with my last baby, from the first ultra sound (I wanted a boy). I didn't want another baby because I was afraid I wouldn't love it as much as my other daughter. The pregnancy was horrible and I swore the child didn't like me any more than I liked her. Upon delivery I was hoping I'd feel that instant rush of love but it didn't happen. I brought her home and hoped it would come but it didn't, she wasn't an easy baby to deal with but I kept trying. I didn't feel any real "love" for her till one night she choked in her sleep (both of my kids have bad allergies) and she stopped breathing. Continued.......

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:00 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Continues...
    The maternal thing kicked in on me and I realized what a pitiful excuse for a woman and mother I was. I can barely remember life without her now, I love her so very much and in hindsight I know that she could feel my resentment of her even in the womb and once my feelings turned around (she was about your babies age or maybe a little over) she's been healthier, and an all around beautiful bubbly sweet little girl. I hope it will come for you too but hope it doesn't take almost losing her like it did for me. BTW my cousin went thru exactly the same as me (took health crisis to wake us both us).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:00 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

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