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HELP

so I live with my SO, we have a baby together. He will NOT even speak of marriage or anything even close. I asked about even a promise ring and thats not even an option. I have asked we put our money together, and thats an even worse subject. Reason I asked about money is because its such a hassle having to split the bills like we do! He pays half rent, I pay the other, same goes for all the bills. So once a month we are writing eachother checks ect. What would you ladies do?????????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Sounds like he only thinks of you as a roommate. That's how you treat a roommate, not a SO. I don't know what I would do in your situation. So you split down the middle all house work, all groceries and your baby's diapers? Doesn't sound much like a relationship and maybe you should re-evaluate why you are "with" this person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • No we don't split house work!!!!!!!! I DO IT! I feel I EARN my keep around the house, but he feels different :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I guess it depends on your ages, if you both have decent jobs, and how long have you been with your so. I think that its only normal that you want more from him, like to get married to him. but for some reason he doesn't feel the same. Will he change his mind, only he can answer that. I would just sit down with him and explain how you feel about him, and what you want from him, and ask him if he sees a future with you, marriage, etc.. Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • If you want to make bill paying simpler, then you may want to try one month you pay and one month he pays. Since there is no long term relationship in the cards from what you said, you should have a bank account and money in your own name and be able to support yourself.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:20 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • My husband and I still keep our money seperate, actually. We have a join account for emergencies and such, but he pays the mortgage and a couple other little things and I pay the rest. I think in this day and age it's not smart to put all of your money in one place. I trust my husband completely, but I also know how bad his Dad screwed his Mom financially, so I'm aware that things can happen unexpectedly.

    I would suggest that you two try to divide things up better so you don't have to put money back and forth, or maybe discuss opening a joint account to deposit to and make payments from. I think there may be some other relationship issues that you need to deal with as well, though. Good luck!
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 3:21 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • If I was you I would not continue in the relationship. If you want to get married and he will not talk about it...If you would like the money to be combined and he will not do it...
    You would like a promise ring and that is not an option...
    what else do you want...he is showing you want he wants...now if you can not live with that, then what would I do if I was you...I would move on and find someone that shares more of the same qualities that I do and wants the same things that I want.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:33 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Kind of sounds like you are nagging him? I don't know. Why is it so important to you to marry after living together and having a baby? All you are missing are the technicalities of the legal union...in other words paperwork. Maybe he has had a bad experience...maybe things came a little quicker than either of you expected, the baby, living together...There is a reason he does not want to jump on the band wagon. Maybe it could be a good idea to stop asking and just listen to him. He will drop hints to you if you listen...do you have to be married and have joint accounts to be happy? Just a thought. I know with my SO, we don't live together but we are excited to get married...we already feel that we are...we have already decided to keep our money separate as we both learned a lot from our first marriages.
    toweringbeauty

    Answer by toweringbeauty at 3:42 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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