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I just found out my 17 year old daughter is lying to us about everything. How do you trust again? Especially since she doesn't seem one bit sorry.

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turtle2006

Asked by turtle2006 at 4:03 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • well what did she lie about?
    butterscotch297

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 4:03 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Have you ever considered that this may be an indicator of an underlying problem. Your daughter is almost an adult and may feel smothered and unfairly treated. Many times teens feel the need to lie because it embarrasses or offends them how much their parents are in their business. She is definitely no longer a child. People greatly underestimate their teens and don't consider the fact that they are old enough to have their own lives and business. To trust again you must address both halves of the problem. There are two sides to any story...try to see hers.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 4:07 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I think you need to realize at this age i dont think many kids know the pain they cause or how there actions affect what people think of them and they probably dont care just out of ignorance and not being fully mature. Just sit down and talk and tell her how your hurting not so much because of what she did but the lying about it and explain why honesty means so much. And once that is out of the way discipline her for her actions and tell her the more trust you guys have the more freedom she will get.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Her boyfriend told us she has been lying about sneaking out, hanging out w/ other boys when she does sneak out, she's also having sex but portrays a Christian good girl image so we were blown away that they were having sex, had her bio-mom buy her a cell phone over a year ago and she's hid it that long from her father & I (I've raised her 10 years).
    turtle2006

    Answer by turtle2006 at 4:08 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • She needs to earn it bk. here is what I would do, take everything away, and slowly give it back as she earns it. Since she was lying alot-she is in no position to bargain. It may seem harsh but I think at some point we have to stop worrying about what makes our kids mad and what makes them better people, kwim? I think too many times we try to be our kids' friends and forget to parent-not saying u do that it is just something I have noticed. The trust will come as she starts doing the next right thing. at 17 she knows what choices are expected, and makinf those choices(and mistakes0 are a parrt of growing up. good luck.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 4:09 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • sounds like me i did it all cause shit was almost forced on me or it seemed that if i wasnt who they wanted me to be i would be disowned. religion is a powerful thing within a home. and child straying from god to some parents could be a major thing. i had a girlfriend in high school who to her parents was a good girl yet they had no clue that she was gothic freak was having sex and all of it cause when she turned 18 and it all come out she was disowned and not allowed cause she didnt have the belief of god and didnt follow his rules. maybe your daughter thinks the same.
    mom2lilyandzakk

    Answer by mom2lilyandzakk at 6:04 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I know exactly what you're going through I have a 16 year old son and he lies all the darn time. Luckily I can see right through his little lies, I don't know what to say other than stay on top of her no you shouldn't smother but there are ways you can find out things without her thinking you're being nosy. My son's friends think I'm cool (GOD only knows why) so I just ask them about things I've heard and 9 times out of 10 they tell me. Works like a charm. Most parents try to be their teenager's friends but that doesn't work. That's when they start taking advantage of you and turns small problems into big problems. I'm not expert but I'm raising a teen and know a little bit. Good luck
    fae

    Answer by fae at 9:30 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Bearsjen .... Very well said!
    TammyG.

    Answer by TammyG. at 11:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • I'd ground her, no outings, phone, computer, etc. until she slowly earns each one back. Trust isn't a RIGHT it's a privelage that she abused.
    littlemummy31

    Answer by littlemummy31 at 8:12 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

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