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Is it unfair to have many kids?

Do you think that this day in age it is cruel to have more than 2-3 kids? Do you think that kids NEED all the expensive activities and vacations to "fit in"? Do you think kids will resent it if they don't get what all the other kids do? We would like to have more kids, and can afford it but we don't want our other kids "to suffer" when we have to cut back on certain things. What are your opinions?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Having kids is not about letting them have whatever they want. Sure, you have to be able to afford them, but people will translate the differently.

    Kids only NEED love, affection, stability, a safe home, food, education, etc. Vacations, sports, and activities are all bonuses.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 5:20 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Yes. As one child of six, I loved having a wonderful clan around. However, there was never enough to go around -- and that includes parental attention. We all ended up being very successful and reasonably well adjusted, but I think life would have been better if there were fewer of us competing for the same slices of pizza.

    You have to ask yourself why you want to have so many children. It's difficult enough having one or two.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I don't know if it is so much about them "fitting in" with all the expensive stuff as it is that college is such a necessity now and will be even more important when they are entering the work force. I could never afford college for 8 kids...I would love to have 3 children and that will be hard enough to pay for. Plus I would never have so many kids that I couldn't afford to do some of the things that they want to do...gymnastics vacations...a meal out every once in a while. I don't want to "scrape by" my entire life and I don't see the benefit of having a big family for myself. I came from a big family and I love my brothers and sisters and I'm glad I have them...but I think the obligation to give your child siblings is satisfied with a family of 3

    Answer by kabbot01 at 5:24 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I think its unfair to have 18 children. 3-4? Maybe not- I can't see myself having any more than one right now lol. But everyone is different. But the thing is, you have to be able to provide for your children and spend one on one time with each one. If you can't do that, then its unfair. Its also unfair to make an older child constantly take care of a younger one because you have so many kids you can't keep track of them all. That is not a good childhood for either.

    Answer by abigail824 at 7:13 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • IMO, the more children you have, the harder it is to give them each the one on one attention they deserve with out running yourself ragged. I have three and sometimes it's really tough when they all want your attention for them self all at the same time. As far as "fitting in", we have explained to all of ours that friendships and/or "status" (for lack of a better word because I really hate using it) shouldn't be decided on a "monetary" basis (as it takes money to do all these things), but one of value in the sense that even with all the things that money can buy, it can't "buy happiness, love, respect and morals" which are far more important in life.


    Answer by LovingParent08 at 7:19 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I have 5 and love them all equally and they will always have the best of everything because we can afford it, but that does'nt matter because you could have everything in the world and still not be happy. Love is what is needed. We are hoping to have another maybe in 3yrs or so and i will always be there for them.

    Answer by Mummytomore at 7:33 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Nope, it is not unfair to have more than 2 kids. We are on our fifth and no one is starving for attention and they have everything they need. My parents didn't pay for my college and hubby's parents didn't pay for his. If they need assistance we will be able to help them a little bit but, I am not outright writing a check for their college education. We go on vacations every few years but, nothing extravagant. My whole life my family NEVER went on a vacation.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:35 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • As long as you can spend quality time with each and eevery one, sure. As long as you don't have other people raise them, sure. Ii don't think material things matter so much...for me, it irks me for ppl to have a bunch of kids (DUGGARS) and you are not hand raising them. (don't try to tell me she is. The older kids are). So that aspect its UNFAIR.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 7:49 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • its not unfair, though,it can be a financial burden as a bigger family has bigger expenses/necessities. however, even a family of 3 can't always afford the NICEsities of big vacations, expensive social groups/sports, etc. if you can afford more kids, who's to say you can't have them? and for that matter, who's to say what you deem necessary for your family, isn't necessary for someone else's family. all in perspective, financial and emotional, your family can be as large as you and your spouse(if you have one) can agree on. a lot of kids will 'resent' not having things other kids have; that's human nature, not just kids.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 8:55 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Kids don't need most of the crap they have. We have 4 kids. To be able to afford them we have only one vehicle (used and falling apart), 1 TV, used clothes, shop only at Target in the clearance racks for new clothes, never take fancy vacations (or at all the last few years with the cost of gas) and don't really do anything that costs money.
    I don't think our kids notice as long as they have food, a place to live and clothes to wear and a few toys to play with they should be happy. I don't want to ever hears "but so-and-so has it" or "so-and-so went there on vacation, why cant we?" That's a sure way to get nothing from me because they are being ungrateful for what they have.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 9:21 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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