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What would you do if your TEEN pulled this on you???

Please do not read into this what I am saying to you is the truth. So there is this lady Youth leader who has been hanging out with my fifteen year old almost 3 to four days a week this summer. I just got two of my daughters off to college so I was grateful that she was helping with my fifteen year old daughter. Well a month ago my daughter started to get defiant to the point where she called me a G D Bitch in my face...I took her down..No punching or beating...I just grabbed her and took her DOWN>>>>well I did not know this but she went to this youth leader and told her I was abusing her and the youth leader went to the head and reported this. I did not know this... so this last month of summer my daughter has kept up her defiance and told me (whenever I asked her to do her chores that she would rather live with this leader because they are a better family! Well 3 days ago my daughter was in my face telling me to F off in front of her two younger siblings...she is actually alot taller than me....well my husband came home and she sassed him...he grabbed her by the neck and took her down but was screaming at her to knock it off{she has been out of control)..well , that night she snuck out the window and went to this youth leaders house and they called the cops and the heads of the church on us. The cops didn't press charges because she has not one mark on her and made her come back home....I feel so humiliated!! Also this leader has no daughters just sons........My daughter is home now but we are in SHOCK....we do feel under minded...I think its time to move.....what do you think? P.s. This lady was also picking up my daughter last year from the bus stop and bringing her to school......

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Sep. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • You better believe, if either of my kids talked to me like that, they would be "taken down". At 15 a pop on the hand isn't going to work, and unless you hit her, there was no abuse. She sounds seriously out of control and not only should you go to the youth leader and find out what has been said, that church is no kind of help and it certainly doesn't sound like a Godly place to be. Children today have no respect for their elders and I am shocked that this behavior is allowed to continue in your home. I would take EVERYTHING away, let her come home to an empty room, except for a mattress and a few (7) changes of clothes. No TV, no radio, no phone, CPS can not take your child for disciplining them, especially at her age. Lock her window or paint it shut, plant cactus outside the window if necessary, but no way would my child speak to me like that and get away with it.
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 9:37 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Sounds like you all could benefit from some family counseling...and grabbing a child by the neck and "taking her down", regardless of her age, is abuse.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 9:20 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • I don't understand the need to "Take her down" That is pretty humiliating & aggressive if you ask me. I consider that abuse. I'd never behave that way towards my child. Maybe your discipline techniques have more to do with her defiant behavior then anything else.

    I think the church lady did the right thing. If a child came to me & told me her dad took her to the ground while holding the back of her neck, I'd probably call CPS to. There are much better ways to discipline your child, i think you need to look into that...because this "taking down" thing sure ain't working...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:27 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • I agree with samurai_chica. It is abuse and by law they were obligated to call cps on you because your daughter told them that. I also agree with the pp that said just let her have only her bed and thats it, not even a door on her room!
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 9:31 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • If my teen did that to me, i would not get mad or angry. I'd just take rights away. no friends, no phone, no computer, no TV, no youth group, no going out on weekends....

    Kids will push the envelope, it should be expected. There is no need to get angry or agressive...just discipline in a smart way & stay one step ahead of her.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:31 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Wow.. I would get a restraining order on the woman to keep her away from your daughter.. if you can.

    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:34 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • you didn't have to take her down and neither did your husband. if my son were to pull something like this i would send him up in his room until his father comes home. when my husband would get home i would then tell him what happened and we would both make up a punishment for his age. While doing all this he would be calm enough to talk to. his punishment would be to do chores so he learns to respect the rules and the house, and i would make him come with me when ever i go somewhere so i know he couldn't get into trouble or sneak out. Plus i would call the youth leader and say i liked what you did for me and my daughter/ or son in your case daughter but until i can get him/her under control i would like it if you couldn't come over or spend time with my child. then get her in some anger management classes.
    2boysyahoo.com

    Answer by 2boysyahoo.com at 9:36 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • would be having a meeting with the head of the church and the youth leader and explaining in no uncertain terms that the youth leader is undermining you parenting and she needs to back off and they your child will not be returning to the youth group Answer by Anonymous

    This. Sounds like, this person, having only sons, has made your daughter something of a surrogate daughter. A chuch and a youth leader should be stressing RESPECT for one's parents and following the parents rules, etc. NOT becoming a source of family problems. This is going to take some time, patience and a whole lot of love, understanding and attention with your daughter as a fairly stong bond with this woman has formed. The youth leader also needs counseling on how to work with kids WITHOUT getting this involved.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 9:42 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • I certainly would NOT move! She needs to check herself, and start following the rules whether she likes them or not, and little miss leader needs to step off, mind her own damn business and let u parent UR child, she obviously is not being told the whole story by ur daughter! U need to do some EXTREME tough loving! Take EVERYTHING away, and show ur daughter u frickin mean business!
    PANZONSMOM

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 10:17 AM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Oh hell no!!
    I wouldn't move but my DD would not be going to this youth group.
    Whatever "church" this is sounds toxic and not spiritual at all.
    BigMomm4

    Answer by BigMomm4 at 9:18 AM on Sep. 1, 2011