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Annoying Mother In Law ....

I just do not know what to do abouyt my MIL anymore... I really love her, I think she means well ( most of the time ) , and I can sometimes understand her because I know when my kids grow up it will be hard for me to "let go" ... but still she is driving me crazy !!!!

My husband is no help because 90% of the time he isnt home to see the things she does ... and the times he does see it, he tries to talk to her but eventually backsdown and doesnt talk to her -- this has been going on for 7 years and I know it is pointless to even think he will talk to her about it anymore...

If you have ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond, times his mother by 10 and you have mine.... her and my FIL also are our neighbors ( 4 doors down) and therefore are at our house several times a day ( when my husband as at work and as soon as he gets home and sometimes even when i go to bed they are still on our couch ) ...

My MIL needs to know EVERYTHING ... and I mean everything... if she thinks I am grouichy she will ask me if I am on my period, if I say no she will want to know the last time I got one, and how bad it was....

Last weekend my husband's work had a employee family picnic, at the last minute my covered dish got ruined so we opted to not take anything ( which we didnt have to in the first place, I just wanted to) ... We arrived and say down and started talking to some people having a nice time when I spotted my MIL, carrying a covered dish... She also had to make an annoucement ( an actual annoucement in front of these 40+ people) that we didnt bring one and she didnt want it to look bad for us so she wanted to bring something that would be considered from us....if you can only imagine the embarrasment this caused.

This past week me and the kids were sick, I took them to the doctor, which i had told her before leaving that I would call her as soon as we were done.... of course this didnt register with her because she called every 10 minutes wanting to know what I found out... I had to turn my phone off... 20 minutes passed and the woman from the desk came into the room and told me that my mother in law keeps calling wanting to talk to me or know what is going on ... we went in because of sore throats and runny noses - not a surgery or soemthing that she urgently needed to know about.... she does this all the time, if she cannot get ahold of us, she will call whoever or whereever we are to get ahold of us... she also one time called the grocery store because I left my cell in the car, when they called me up to use the phone, she said " well I just wanted to see if you were still there, you werent home yet, so I didnt know" ... really that is all she said !

On a daily basis she will call at bad times -- I have to call to tell her that I am putting the kids to bed ( for a nap) , she will call and call until I pick up and just wants to know if they are asleep yet.... Uh no, they would be if you would quit calling... she will say Oh sorry, but then calls back again 5 mintues later...

She tries to tell me what to do, and then gets mad if I dont listen... I had a hair appt. 2 weeks ago and my friend was going to pick me up ( my husband had our vehicle ) ... I told MIL the appt. was at 11 ... well at 10 she shows up at my door saying she will take me to my appt. I tell her my friend is coming and my appt. isnt for another hour - she aruges with me about the time of the appt. and goes on to say my friend isnt a good friend for not picking me up on time...

I would seriously think she has a mental problem, but I know she doesnt !!!! and apparently she has ALWAYS been like this and I know that since she is in good health I have probably another 20 years of this !!!!!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Sep. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • MOVE - you need to get away from her, and since she won't respect your space or privacy you will need to be the one to move. Good luck, I know if we lived that close to my MIL one of us would end up dead!
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:34 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • wow. she needs to see a counselor. this is not normal at all. I cannot imagine how you function on a day to day basis with such a crazy woman in your life. I am sorry you have to juggle her medling along with everything else that goes along with being a mother!! If your husband isn't willing to talk to her, you seriously need to bring her to family counseling.

    Hope she can ease up- I know I would be going out of my mind!!
    bloomsr

    Answer by bloomsr at 10:37 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Wow, is it sad that an actual episode that was never made of Raymond ran through my head as I read your story? OMG, I'm so sorry you have a Marie as a MIL :(

    *Hugs* and good luck with her!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:39 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Yep, I think I would move!! My kids are young adults. I can't even imagine treating them that way. I'm sure she means well, but I would put a little distance between you and move.....
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:40 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • I feel sorry for her. She sounds really troubled, scared, and lonely. Maybe you could try talking to her gently about it... she just wants to feel needed and relevant in your lives. It has to suck to get older and feel like you are not wanted and of no use to anyone anymore, when once upon a time your kids were small and you were so needed. I do completely understand how this is irritating to you too, so you need to set some boundaries.... just be kind about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • With the exception of calling where we happen to be if we don't answer our phones, this is my MIL too. She sticks her nose in every aspect of our lives. She encourages my DH to spend money (on himself) she knows we don't have, yet when he has an opportunity to make money (and for some reason tells her) she will tell him it's a mistake so his head is filled with doubt and he lets it pass by. I can't blame it all on her on that score. He should do what's best for his wife and children, not what mommy wants. She interferes with our kids and when I, and every now and then DH, gently but firmly tell her to back off, she gets all pissy and gives the silent treatment, which is no punishment. She constantly manipulates her GROWN children to be dependent on her and they fall for it. Every time my DH starts to get some distance, she invents a crisis and pulls him right back in. So hard for me to see him as I used to before we married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • That is sooo unhealthy to attach herself to every detail of your lives!! I applaud you for acting civil and not losing your cool, lord knows I would (actually I have) blown up. I had to deal with nosey in laws, it drove me crazy and I snapped, so they actually hate me a little. Move asap if that is an option. I was thankful when I found out where I was moving to next.
    Rosxjun88

    Answer by Rosxjun88 at 10:48 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • cont. But I seriously recommend moving. Our situation is bad enough but I would not be able to handle my MIL in my house every day, let alone calling the store or doctor's office. It's so abnormal I don't even know what to call it. Her behavior needs to be gotten under control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • Wow! and I thought my MIL was bad. If I were you, I would stop telling her your schedule for the day. It is none of her business. Stay away from the house as much as possible. Turn your phone off so you can get your sanity back. My DH wants to move. He is thinking of moving closer to his family or moving closer to mine. I know that mine respect our privacy and call before they leave their house. I am afraid that his Mom would be at our place a lot. I enjoy family when they allow us to raise our kids the way we want to raise them and not how they think we should be raising them. DH and I have had to tell them that they are our kids and that they have no say in how we raise them. We aren't abusive or neglectful. It would be different if we were.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 11:02 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

  • OMG!!! I am sooo overwhelmed after having read that! You need to just smack her across her face and tell her to butt out. I know that is easier said than done, but honestly that is how I felt after I read this post.
    She IS COO COO!!!!
    Your husband HAS to tell her to STOP!!! really! She has to STOP! that is the craziest thing I've ever heard that your MIL would call the Dr.s office or the grocery store. She is like a MIL stalker...
    And, you need to QUIT depending on her. stop calling her to watch your kids when you go to a hair appt. or if you need a ride etc etc.. Maybe a Sunday meal together..but stop utilizing her all together. GOOD LUCK...
    momma-t42

    Answer by momma-t42 at 11:15 PM on Sep. 1, 2011

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