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How do I get past what my daughter did?

My 16 year old, straight A, popular, cheerleader, gifted, christian daughter came home drunk! She has never drank before, never partied, just wanted to see what everyone was talking about. I am beside myself! I can't quit crying. I can't stop thinking of the state of mind she came home in. I can't stop thinking of what could have happened. I just can't get over this. I feel so betrayed and feel as though she is "tainted" and my heart is shattered. How do you get past this?

 
CoachA

Asked by CoachA at 10:15 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I understand. She came home....you are blessed. It doesn't cut the hurt or the heart break but she is okay.


    In the big scheme of things....this is minor. I know right now you can't see it.....but I promise it is. She is still your straight A student, she is still your daughter, she is still all those things you thought she was.....she made a mistake.


    We have all made mistakes. I'm sure God is working in her life....even now....even more so now. Talk with her. Give her direction gently. I'm sure you are a praying mother....God listens...she is safe and home.

    (cont. below)

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • give her lots of love :) ....and space
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • ok i would be upset too but i would also be thanking god she came home safe. kids do stupid things and that was very stupid. i know if it were my daughter she wouldnt be going anywhere for quite a while except for school. and i am sure it hurts her more that she lost some of your trust than it does you that she did it to begin with. good luck
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 10:19 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Have you sat down with her and really talked? Sounds like she's a "normal" teenager and wanted to see what the fuss was about. I'd be willing to bet she feels bad about it (especially if she got a hangover). Please don't take it personally! Kids experiment. What IS important is how you react/act to it. Have an open discussion about drinking. Find out what she thought about her "first time". Let her know it's okay to discuss. Make it clear that you hope she will not drink while underage again, but also let her know that if she does it is okay to call you for a ride (speeches will be delayed until said child is sober!).
    WD40

    Answer by WD40 at 10:20 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Well my son is to young for me to have to deal with this. He's only 3. I have a 13 year old niece that I have raised since she was 9. She's done a lot of acting out. Smoking, piercing her lip, etc... ,but I haven't had to deal with the drinking. I do feel for you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could be more help but if you need someone to talk to just let me know. * hugs *
    Babydoll1015

    Answer by Babydoll1015 at 10:20 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I have had the same thing happen to me with my daughter and What I learned the hard way is the friends she was hanging around. I found out who the bad influence was and told my daughter she could not talk to her anymore. I also had a talk with my daughter about why she done that and what can happen to people who drink too much. I am just learning to trust my daughter again. It is hard. I made my daughter call me every 2 hours after that....just for my sanity. This is my opinion...good luck.
    Sassywidow72

    Answer by Sassywidow72 at 10:24 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I have two teenage sons. One is 16yrs old and the other is 18yrs old and in the Air Force (just married). When other parents ask me, "Aren't you scared for your children in this day and age?".

    My reply is always, "I have no room in my heart for fear when it is filled with faith." Children may stray from the "nest" and their teachings but they always come back home.


    She will be okay. You will be okay. ((Hugs))

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • you get past it. Why is it that every "christian home" thinks that their child is sooo perfect that they will never do a "worldly" thing!! she is a normal teenager that has obviously been so sheltered that she did what was normal, gave it a try. don't condemn her for it. talk to her and ask her how she felt/if she liked it and then love her. yes tell her if it happens again in your home there will be a punishment, but don't treat her like she is the worst sinner in the world!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Just talk to her about. What did she drink and how much, does she plan on doing it again, what she afraid to say no to it in front of her friends and is this something she thinks that she will do again. These are all things I would ask her.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 10:32 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Talk to your pastor and if he can't help you, go to a counselor. Your expectations were unrealistic and unreasonable if they were about her being perfect. Teenagers screw up. Maybe it is a call for help and she needs counseling. Honestly, you need to ask God for patience, understanding and unconditional love. The last thing she needs is a judgemental mom who "just can't get over it" to help her. My daughter has made choices that weren't dangerous but the exact opposite of what I wanted for her. It hurt me and I couldn't believe it. Then I realized she is growing up and is going to make foolish decisions. I would limit where she goes, with whom and always confirm there is a responsible adult to supervise. I agree with the poster who said she is still the same daughter, she made a mistake. It's what she did not who she is.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:20 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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