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Husband likes to share, but I don't want to be shared. Upsetting.

My husband wants to see me with other men, and then sleep with me afterward. I wanted to marry a man who found me attractive ALONE, not with other people. Don't get me wrong, I'm very "adventurous" when it's just him and I, so I'm not a prude or boring. But it's never enough. He ALWAYS asks me "who've you been f-ing?" and begs me to tell him things I've "done" (even though I haven't). There have been times he's intentionally gotten me very drunk and had men come home with us without asking me first. I'm very upset by this because I only want to be with him. Is it wierd I'm loyal when I have chance to not be? This is not what I wanted for myself. I've tried talking to him about it, and he'll keep it to himself a while, but it always rears it's ugly head and sometimes seems like we can't have a sex life without it being part of it. It's making me feel terrible.

Any advice? Please don't judge...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • I think this is a bit strange. in this day and age sex outside of marriage can be dangerous. I would never trust him I am afraid. I would not drink with him.

    Answer by Lyndall at 11:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • This is not a real marriage though and if you are not happy being shared then you need to make it very well known. If he refuses to listen to you maybe the marriage is not meant to be. I don't know what else to tell you. In mine and my husband's eyes, what your husband wants to do is cheating. Yes, he is telling you to do it, but it is still cheating. A marriage built on mistrust will not last.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Weird. Most guys I know want their woman to themselves. If a third party is ever suggested a man usually wants another woman-or maybe this is just the people I run with.
    I wouldn't feel bad about not wanting to do it!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • In my opinion I would tell him how this makes you feel. It sounds like to me he wants "to swing". If this isnt something you want than you need to make a decision on what your going to do. Could you handle him with other women? or is this just a one way deal?

    Answer by Sassywidow72 at 11:35 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I had the same problem then I finally just told him it made me feel VERY BAD. He hasn't asked for one since.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I would just explain to him how it makes you feel and tell him he and only he can have all of you or none of you.

    Answer by micrespo at 11:53 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • this is one reason I tell my daughters to discuss with a man his greatest fantasies before getting involved with a man. Some men think their wife should fulfill their fantasies and love doing it for their man. (crazy huh?) I would definitely tell him no and stick with that no; however, don't be surprised if he finds that fantasy fulfilled elsewhere. Sorry, but men with a strong desire for their fetish usually find a way to make it happen. My x wanted that.
    Notice that was my X. There is a reason he's an x. LOL

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:02 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Honey, if you are not into swinging you need to get out of this marriage. He actually gets off on other men sleeping with you? And you are asking if YOU are being weird? No, this is a very dangerous game. He has some serious sexual fetishes that if you are not into it, you should NOT compromise yourself with it. You will only become very depressed and resentful if you give into this.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 12:04 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Huh-lowwwww!!!! Your husband is bi!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • I was thinking maybe the OP's husband was "pimping" her! And THAT is his fantasy?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

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