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Is my husband dangerous? Or were we just totally out of control that one time?

Yesterday, my husband was being really short with me, talking to me like I was annoying and stupid without any real reason, so I called him out on it. He was in a terrible mood and it made him meaner and he was yelling at me. I had my laptop in my lap and he kept slapping the laptop screen. Of all retarded things, I threw a piece of bread at him. So he picked up a hard toy and threw at me and it hit me in the head! It really hurt. I was so pissed he did it that I threw it back at him. So he threw me on the sofa, straddled me and kept telling me he should punch me, then acted like he was going to. But instead he's slap me in the face with an open hand and said it was because he didn't want to leave marks...like he'd thought it through. He kept doing it and telling me I had to get him off me if I wanted him to stop.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Dec. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Leave him. Get out. No second chances. Period.
    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 11:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • continued...

    So I bit him. He laughed at me and told me that what he wanted me to do because I left a mark on him. He told me he was gonna have me put in jail. But he was on top of me slapping in a way as to intentionally not leave any residual marks. It was very frightening how me could torture me like, and manipulate me into screwing myself over. Afterwards, he said he was sorry and he loved me, but now I'm not so sure.

    I know we were both out of control, and it never should've escalated to that point.

    But is it me or was what he did completely devious? I'm really upset!

    ***This is the first time anything like this happened. It's not a prior abusive relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Wow, sorry that happened. If that was a one time thing maybe some counseling would help. IMO if that was me, he would be out the door.
    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 11:39 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Hmm, does not sound like the normal "out of control", but then again I don't know you or your husband and your relationship. I do know that that kind of behavior from my husband would not be tolerated. It is not in his character to act like that, even in frustration or anger. I want to say you really pushed his buttons but that's no excuse for acting that way towards you. This is definitely something that the two of you need to discuss when all is calm and relaxed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • I believe this is is very serious!!! You need to take it very very seriously. It is not for me to tell you what to do exactly but you do need to tell him that this is totally unacceptable behavior. If you can follow through, I would tell him, if he ever puts his hands on you EVER again....Its OVER for GOOD! One time thats it. Good luck and be careful sweetie
    VetnAFwife

    Answer by VetnAFwife at 11:41 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Since this is a first time thing, I am going to say that you need to talk to him about it. Let him know that (regardless of the fact that you bit him) if he lays his hands on you again, either you or him will be out the door. End of story. If you let him get away with it now, it will only get easier for him to do.

    My bf, in a drunken stupor, pushed me on the bed and when I tried tot alk to him he grabbed my face and told me to shut up. The next morning he apologized and said he couldn't believe what he had done. I told him it was fine, but if he ever touched me again I was gone. That was almost 3 years ago, and no problems since.

    Good Luck to you, I hope it doesn't get worse for you.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:42 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • And if anything like this happens again, just even the slightest bit, you need to just walk away. Being in an abusive relationship is not a good thing. It can so easily escalate into something more dangerous and more devious and you could be completely trapped. Use your better judgment. Call him out on his behavior and warn him that if anything that were to ever happen again you're gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • leave him. i was with a bully for almost 11 years...it was gradual...first just screaming matches, then throwing things, then throwing things at me (frist remotes, then bigger things...he threw a keyboard at me)..then it was cornering me, to holding me back, to taking my hands and punching him so hard my hands were bruised, to pushing me into walls.the breaking point ,he actually tried to confine me and the kids in the house...frickin basically tried ti kidnap me. i never saw it coming...it was a total moment of insanity i haven't seen since but now knowa it exists and will NEVER go back.u shouldn't be with a man who would EVEN THINK of holding u down and slapping u
    yomamaporter

    Answer by yomamaporter at 11:44 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Personally, if it were me I would be out of there, but if you want to work it out you definitely need to get into some serious couples counseling. It may have been a first time thing w/you but for him to have thought about leaving marks...sounds fishy to me.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 11:46 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • p.s. as a result of my husbands bullying...i too took a part n the violence.i've kicked him so hard in the face that it left a mark and we had to make excuses for it. i never wanted to be that person, but he left me no choice...even when he never put his hands on me he cornered me and screamed at me around and around in circles in a never ending fight the only thing i could do was beat his ass. in hindsight i belive that's the reaction he wanted. the smartest desicion i've ever made for me amd my kids was leaving.
    yomamaporter

    Answer by yomamaporter at 11:48 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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