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3 Bumps

DD just had a baby drama drama, VENT mostly but feel free to add opinions

My 16 year old just had a baby 2 months ago. The father of the baby signed his rights away, without his parent's knowledge because he is 18. I told my DD it was up to her if she wanted him to and he was willing. Now his mother has found out about the baby (apparently, she didn't know, he lives with his dad and dad's girlfriend and they knew but mom lives about an hour away and I guess no one told her about it). Apparently, she took her son to a lawyer, who told them that since he was over 18 when he signed his rights away, they can not be reinstated unless my DD allows it (he would have to legally adopt the child). Now his mom is constantly harassing me saying that I should have called her and that we stole the baby from them. First of all, I called his dad when she got pregnant because he was still 17 at the time, it was his dad's job to let his mom know, not mine. Second we didn't steal anything. My DD gave birth to this baby, the bio father signed his rights away willingly, no one made him, in fact he was the one who asked to be able to. I just don't know how or even if I should deal with this woman, she is even worse to my DD and now my DD doesn't even take her calls. She has threatened to get grandparent visitation which is 1. very hard to get in our state and 2. she is no longer legally a grandparent so I don't believe she could get it even if we did live in a state that regularly has it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Sep. 3, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • sounds like your grandchild lucked out not having them in their life
    sophistcatdfury

    Answer by sophistcatdfury at 1:59 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • Honestly I'd ignore the lady. . . her son signed his rights away willingly and it is done and over. If she gets visitation great. . . but she needs to knock off the harassment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • Just because HE signed his rights away doesn't mean that his mom shouldn't be allowed to see her grandchild. Are you so jealous that you don't want her involved? Do you have something to hide??????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • anon, what is your problem??? Why would I be jealous of anyone? And yeah, that IS the way it works, if a parent gives up their rights to their child, their parent is a legal stranger to the child and therefore, has no rights. I mean just like if when he said he wanted to sign his rights away, what if my DD did too? Well then the people who got rights (the adoptive parents) would be the only legal parents and I would be a legal stranger to the child. I think many people think that grandparents have legal rights to the child on their own but really, even in states that have grandparents rights, those rights stop if the child gives up the rights to the child. Maybe she should have been more involved with her son instead of blaming me for not knowing that her adult son had a child.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:26 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • This is sad really. Eff what a piece of paper says...the woman is still a grandparent, and it's sad this boy signed away rights at such a young age. It doesn't sound like he had much support. It'll be something he may regret later in life.

    I would encourage DD to allow him to reinstate his rights (through adoption or whatever), and try to find some way to teach these youngsters the proper way to raise a child.

    mommydinasaur

    Answer by mommydinasaur at 8:30 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • If I were you, I would call the grandmother. Meet her for lunch. Tell her you would love to have her in the child's life. Share that baby with grandma!! How would you feel if you had a grandchild you couldn't see?
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 8:44 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • If your daughter secretly had a baby and then gave it to the father and his family to raise would you be willing to walk away so easily? Put yourself in the other grandmother's shoes. She is feeling cheated out of knowing a grandchild and my guess is you would feel the same. The child might resent being kept from the other half of his biological family. Your grandchild can only benefit from more people to love him so please try and show some compassion. I also want to point out that even though your daughter is a minor this is her decision not yours.

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 9:51 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • mompam, this isn't my child, it's my DD's child. I don't know how this is my dd or me (when I have no legal rights here) being the bad guy. This is no different then if both the kids signed their rights away, the baby would go to adoptive parents and no one (neither my DD, her ex, me or his mom) would have any rights to see the child at all. My DD isn't willing to let her ex around the baby because he doesn't want his right reinstated because then he would have to pay child support and be responsible. MY DD thinks that they are trying to use this as a way to be in the child's life without having to help with the child. As far as the child seeing her bio family, she wouldn't see his side if she had been given up for adoption by both parents, she wasn't because her mom didn't shrink away from her responsibilities
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:04 AM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • It shouldn't be about money. If they want to see the baby, that's great!
    Let them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Sep. 3, 2011

  • I think you and your daughter are doing the right thing. You may have to place a restraining order on the ex;s mom requesting bar from electronic communications, and physical confrontations until this whole thing settles. Sorry but the Father of the boy should have told the mother.
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 12:58 PM on Sep. 3, 2011

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