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What should my husband say in a letter to his adopted out children who have been asking about him, they want to know about dad

my husband was in prison many years ago when the mother gave twins up for open adoption, she talks to them occasionally, and gets pictures once a year, he has never been allowed to contact them, now the twins are asking about him (the twins are 11 years old) the adoptive parents want him to write the twins a letter, but he has no idea what to say, me either, help!

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AbbeyM6578

Asked by AbbeyM6578 at 10:02 AM on Jul. 15, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (7)
  • Maybe he should just tell them about himself and about his life. He should be totally honest. Something like....
    Dear -----,
    I know you have been wondering about me, I thought talking through letters might be the best way to start this. Here is a little bit about me. My name is ------ I was raised in ------.
    It doesnt have to be anything perfect. They are just curious about where they come from. He can talk about what kind of realtionship him and the mother had, or anything that comes to his heart. Good Luck...I know that is a hard situaion. I tried to find my biological father just a few months ago and it was very hard. He turned out to not even be it. but just make sure he doesnt adoid them, they want some answers and they deserve them. Hope all goes well.
    MommyMel03

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 10:25 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I agree with the above. 11 years old is old enough to be honest..I think they will appreciate that and just tell them about his hobbies and life. I didn't know my Dad until I was older I'd send a picture of just him too...a pic of the whole family might be a little hard for them. I would've loved to have a pic of my dad when I was that age I always wondered what he looked like. Good Luck!
    cdogdevon

    Answer by cdogdevon at 10:33 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • He should just be honest. Tell them in was in a position to not be able to take good care of them and he wanted the best for them.
    romeece

    Answer by romeece at 10:48 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Honesty (like everyone above has said) is a huge key. I would give them as much information is as pertinent about me. I know it has to be hard. Make sure no blame is cast out, meaning dont let him say it is your birth moms fault that I never had the chance. That will only upset them. But be as totally honest as 11 year old children can take. If they're wanting to know about him, that is AWESOME! Some kids feel completely different about it. I wish you both all the luck and insight in the world! Good Luck and let us know what happens!
    joelochi3

    Answer by joelochi3 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I think what the other posters said is correct he should tell them he was in Prison and why so they do not wonder where he was. If he has wondered about them he needs to put that in too. even describing himself physically would be nice because they might be wondering where they got their hair color from.
    Lyndall

    Answer by Lyndall at 12:44 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I suggest writing what i did when I found my child: That he loves them and misses them and wanted to keep them. And that he wants to eventually meet them again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Jul. 22, 2008

  • I dissagree with the other answers. I don't think the initial contact is the time or place to tell that story. They want to know about thier dad. So tell them stuff like, what sports and music he likes, what hobbies he has, that kind of thing. It shouldn't be too emotional or heavy although there is nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of "I'm so happy to have the opportunity of writing to you, I think of you often". Be sure to include pictures that are close ups and show his profile as well as face on. Adoptees are fascinated by people who look like them and they will examine it to see what features they share.
    Best of luck. Those twins are very lucky to be able to know their birth parents and their adoptive parents sound very cool.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:02 PM on Jul. 25, 2008

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