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my hubby got caught

what should i do? my hubby of almost 3 yr. has been yet again sneeking calls and texting other women. as of christmas eve one girl in particular. i am sick about it all. he is trying to put the blame on me? he tells me he wants to stay then he wants to leave. i dont know what to do? he leaves for deployment again in about a month and his new "friend" is on the ship with him! help...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 AM on Dec. 30, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Well um i would leave him in a heartbeat!! He can tell you its over or nothings going on all he wants but they will be together when they get on that boat!!! and him putting the blame on you says it all!! tell him their is no need to come home to you when he is done!!! sorry to be so blunt but you either gotta get rid of him or deal with whats going on and accept it!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 6:34 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • sorry about that, will hope that things get better for you............
    chilimidos62

    Answer by chilimidos62 at 6:37 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • thank you for your help...
    i am scared because i want to make sure me and our almost 2 yr. son will be able to pay rent etc. hubby could change the accounts and then what will i do when he is gone for 9 mo. that is other then sneak and impregnate some 19 yr. old. i have put up with all the lies for too long. plus in some weird way i still have feelings for him. maybe because of our child? i am stupid and sick about all of this. i just want whats best for our son. oh ya... and for the past 2 mo. he kept wanting me to have another baby? he is maybe the crazy one here? i caught him last night with messages on his cell from her. so, all of this is pretty fresh. i am still very upset and angry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Because this isn't the first time, I wouldn't be very forgiving of it. Confront him. If he wants out, then let him out. Leave him. Trust me (!) it is better that you leave him now than your kids growing up knowing you stayed while he cheated on you. You will be able to make it financially. That should be the least of your worries. Move in with family or friends and lean on them for support until you can get back on your feet. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from dating a guy that was in the army. They...not all, but most from what he told me and what I experienced..have a tendancy to do things on a whim before getting deployed. Maybe he needs to figure out what he really wants. Give him time to do what he does and give yourself time to figure out if this is the life you want. Good luck. I have been there and I know it SUCKS!!! I am still in therapy 6 months after the fact! ;)
    LilMae.N.MDJr

    Answer by LilMae.N.MDJr at 7:25 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • i went through the same think sweetie my ex decided to bring his "FRIEND" home for dinner and expect me to cook it...dumb monkey...i say leave him its not worth it to you or your child..as for finacially...he has to support you no matter what the military code states that any military personell who is seperated must pay spousal support untill the final divorce date and after that must pay a specific amount of child support...if youd like to send me a message i can give you all the links you need...and more info on what he has to pay you... GOOD LUCK
    connorsmom22607

    Answer by connorsmom22607 at 7:46 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Before I got all messed up with my thinking, is it at all possible that they're talking because they're both nervous about being deployed? You didn't say if you'd read what the texts were etc...
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:53 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Actually it is illegal for military personal to have sex with each other they can be court marshaled for it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • You sound so sweet, i stayed in a relationship for 23 years "for the sake of my kids", Trust me it hurts YOU more the longer you stay. But you need to take back your power from him, he is abusing you! While he is gone, start taking extra money out every time you go to the store, pay a bill, etc. Consider it a gift to yourself and your son. You  do not want your son following in his father's footsteps and thinking this is "normal" behavior. Take all your anger and turn it into something positive, a life without infidelity and abuse.   You sound too young to accept this as a way of life.  When the time comes for him to return from his deployment,  hopefully you will have a little money saved and let the abuser go on a different tour - of life without you and your son! 
    Gingeebear

    Answer by Gingeebear at 8:13 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • The only thing you can do is to demonstrate to him your love for him in the hopes that you will be more appealing than the new friend. If he has always been a womanizer and you knew this before you married him, you should not be surprised at his behavior. If this is new behavior, then I would wonder why he found her more appealing than me, and I would try to fix that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:17 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • You'd need to get proof but GO TO JAG FIRST! You get military to pay for legal first or if he gets there first you will have to pay for your own services. That's what I have heard anyway.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

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