Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Do you think parenting sucks (at least sometimes)?

Parenthood Got You Down? You're Not Alone by Alan Greenblat.

Having a baby is not just a fabulous, enriching experience that opens up your capacity for love and endless opportunities for personal growth.

It's also miserably hard work. A baby is like the worst houseguest ever: endlessly demanding, keeping you up at all hours, needing to be fed and making a mess of the whole place.

People don't talk about this enough. It's really hard, being a parent. At times, it's crushing. But you're never allowed to say this.

Admitting that the kids are wearing you down — even if you carefully point out that you're just going through a bad patch and will probably be fine in an hour — seems to be taken as some kind of statement that you don't love them.

People feel the need to extol the joy a child has brought into their lives, even and especially at those moments when their frustration or anxiety might be at its peak. Embarrassed at having admitted any weakness at all in their parenting game, they try instantly to brighten and say, "But it's the best thing we've ever done."

No. Not always. Let's be real. There are countless times when being a parent is genuinely a struggle. You are going to be tired. Your relations with your spouse or partner will get strained. You will have to give up things you used to enjoy...

Do you agree that the sucky parts of parenting are usually swept under the rug? 

Answer Question
 
UpSheRises

Asked by UpSheRises at 11:06 AM on Sep. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 31 (48,798 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • For me having a baby in the house was the fun part. It came easy for me. My mom says I am abnormal though because my pregnancies were easy, births were easy, I was back in my jeans in 6 weeks etc. Maybe she is right LOL. It was when they got to the terrible 2's and 3;s that I would get stressed out, and it just gets more demanding from there imo. I think people do try to warn us, but we dont hear them. I always tell my kids having a baby is hard, as hard as you think being a parent is multiply that by atleast 10.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:09 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • Yes, heaven forbid we bring up that we're worn out from our kids then we are seens as whiney. I havent experienced someone thinking that I didnt love my daughter but I have gotten the look of stop whining please. I am so exhausted & worn out from my wounderful lovely high energy demanding child that I will not have another. Now I'm not saying that my child is more demanding or has more energy then others but I cant foresee myself doing this all over again, nope no way she is 3 almost 4 & I still stand strong I will not do this all over again.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 11:09 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • – collapse
    wow!! I feel blessed to be a parent! U sound like u hate it! I always say,some people should not be parents! U should feel blessed that u r able to be a parent! U sound ungrateful!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:10 AM on Sep. 6, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • I will fully admit to agreeing with this.. I have a very strong willed child and with his colic and allergies of all types and temperment as it is, very few people seem to relate or talk openly about this and I struggle with this,. I Had ppd and bonding issues after his birth and my relationship with my DH Of 11 years ( Now almost 15 ) has suffered and we are struggling all the time about parenting issues.. I love love being a mother but to some of us, this is not a piece of cake - I wish more people were open about it.. I have been lucky enough to find some wonderful CM friends at least I can talk to openly about this..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:10 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • Women like Dancer are prime examples of how hard it can be to open up and talk to this with other mothers.. I am not ungreatful, I know she was not speaking directly to me but this is what you get when you try to talk openly.. I LOVE being a Mother!! I am OVER involved I have been told and love love being with my son, but for SOME OF US, its not easy and it doesn't come natural. I work very hard to learn about being a mother, I am 33 and have a 4 year old (almost) and I lack in parental NATURAL Instincts.. some women refuse to try to understand other's circumstances if they are not of the "Normal"
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:14 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • Of course they are swept under a rug hun, like you said it's not nice or "right" to say these things. The little monsters care about no one but themselves lol. When you go into the clothing store and even attempt to look at a nice sweater, that little innocent being turns into a tantrum throwing devil, everyone is looking at you as if you have not control, and then if you you discipline them (yelling no spanking in public...well sometimes) they think you are a horrible mean mommy. Then you leave because you are embarrassed and you want to be mad at the kid, only for your spouse to say " Honey he/she is just a kid", and you ask them to take them and your spouse is like no because the kid acts out in public. (WTH). Then your child comes to you and wants hugs and kisses and expects you to believe nothing happens. You take the candy kisses until it happens again in 15 minutes.
    RoyalBlossom

    Answer by RoyalBlossom at 11:16 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • I think there will always be days where you will have parenting stuggles. I love being a mommy, but I dont think you shouldnt have become a parent if you feel this way to some degree! Its normal to get stressed and some kids can be more challanging than others! Parents need alone time, its healthy to get away! Now that I have moved away from any support I find myself really wishing I had "my" time, but when I did have it before I spent half the time missing my little ones! Just hang in there moms!
    momofkamnlela

    Answer by momofkamnlela at 11:17 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • Dancer - um nasty comment much? You are the reason why other women have a hard time talking about such issues.

    Nobody said they werent greatful, nobody said they didnt feel blessed but for some women being a parent is so much more natural & easy while for others it simply isnt. With some kids they are easy going & things go smoothly with others they do not. Just bc your tired & worn down dosent mean you arent being a good parent anyway. For me I am all about my daughter she is my entire world & I do everything I can for her I am even a stay at home mom something that honestly I dont 100% enjoy & I cant wait until the day that I can get a part time job to bring in money too. Some of us are just like this.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 11:17 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • P.S.
    I use to feel like a "bad mom" for admitting the stresses of it. That was until my husband and I both agreed there's times where it does suck. Also I have one friend where I feel like I can vent to about everything and she does as well and we agree on this matter so much. But usually moms will say anything to sweep their feelings under the rug!
    momofkamnlela

    Answer by momofkamnlela at 11:21 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

  • Yes sometimes it does. I love my kids more than life itself. That does not mean that they are always happy and that everything with them always goes perfectly. I think that saying sometimes parenting sucks is just being honest. I think the real problem is mothers are expected to never have a bad day with their kids and if they do, are are seen as hating parenting when that is so far from the truth.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:22 AM on Sep. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN