Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Child Last Name Change and Adoption or Child Support

Here is my ?'s. I've been Married to this guy for 3 years, he previously has a 4 year old with his EX G/F, they were never Married. My husband isn't on the Birth Certificate & the child doesn't have his last name. The mother won't let the child come around unless its for Holidays or shes Single. We moved 2 years ago due to Family Issues, the mother makes things very diffcult for us. We live 2 hours away, but it takes an extra 30-45mintues to get to where the 4 year old lives. She won't live my Husband visit unless its at her home. She won't contact us but every once in a while like if something is wrong with the 4 year old or shes Single again. We only get to see this little girl maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Now she is wanting to speak with my Husband this weekend, because she either wants to change the childs last name to her Fiance's name or the Fiance to Adopt. Is their anything we can do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Dec. 30, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • let my husband visit unless its at her home.

    Answer by candygirl09 at 1:19 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Their has been no DNA Test.

    Answer by candygirl09 at 1:20 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Yes, you can go to court to establish paternity and court-ordered visitation. She can't have her fiance adopt the child without your husband's consent. She may be able to change the child's name, that's a separate issue but I doubt there are many judges who would go along with it.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:20 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • She has to get his consent for either of those things. The only way she could do it without his consent is if she absolutely couldn't find him, or the court took his rights for some reason, and even then, I'm not sure she could do it without consent. As for her not letting him see the child unless he goes there, your hubby needs to take her to court and get a court ordered visitation schedule with a fair meeting place set. That will put her in her place and stop that.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:21 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Absolutely, your husband has rights to his child. He can file for joint custody or whatever else he feels he needs to do. Her fiance cant adopt the child unless your husband signs papers saying that he can. If your husband is on the childs BC he also has to sign for a name change. Or at least thats how it is here, it may vary by state.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:22 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Well she hasn't allowed us to really be in the Childs life, so we've went 6 months - 1 year without talking to them or anything. This issue has really hurt us.

    Answer by candygirl09 at 1:22 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • He isn't on the Birth Certificate at all, she doesn't have his last name. Nothing.... Its so complicated. Now shes pregnant by her Fiance and is wanting her new baby and the 4 year old to have the last name.

    Answer by candygirl09 at 1:23 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • If your DH believes the child is his, it doesn't matter if he's on the birth certificate or not, he can request a parternity test through the courts, as well as visitation,etc. (and he'll probably end up having to pay child support, too). Once it has gone through the court system & proof of paternity has been established, the BM cannot deny your DH visitation with his daughter, nor can she have her new fiancee either adopt the child or give her his last name without the express permission of your DH. I suggest you find a good lawyer, plus make note of every contact or attempted contact you have had with BM & child, to show the court that your DH is interested in being a father to his daughter, as this will be important to his case.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • He can request that paternity be established, ask for joint custody and/or refuse her request. Right now w/o having paternity she can do as she wishes b/c he's not legally anything.
    If visitation etc has been such as issues you could have done the above at any point. Just understand that at that point he will be responsible for cs, but he will also have full visitation rights.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:16 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • He needs to request a DNA test. His rights will not be taken away unless he signs for this to be done. He needs to get his butt to court and start filing now

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 5:17 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.