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Help please

I have was in a relationship for 4yrs and u recently split. When we was together we split all the bills. I few days ago I lost my parttime job and I have been looking for full time work for the past 3months but have been unsuccessful.My best friend of 12yrs said me and son can stay with her for a whilebut the problem is my babys father says if I leave state he will call the police & say I kidnapped are son..He currently does not have a job and is leaving wit friends..I currently have $800 to my name so if I stay it will go toward rent&car but if I leave it will kinda be 4 a new start..i decieded to ask my fellow cafemamas because i am unsure what to do he also if I leave wit my son can I get in trouble for taking him even if his dad is unstable? I am also kinda scared that if I stay wat will happen next month if I cant find a job? Please give me your opnion

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Dec. 30, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I guess I am unsure if you have custody? is there a parenting plan in place? If not go down and file for custody today.....if there is no parenting plan, at least here in WA state, you can go wherever you want with your child. Petition for child support and do your thing mama. Women are so strong. We carry more strength then we can ever know. You have to do what is best for you and your son. Best of luck to you...

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:34 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Yes he can do what he said he can. You can not just leave the state with your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • If you were not married and only lived together and there is currently NO custody order, he cannot file kidnapping charges if you leave the state. When there is no custody order, the person who has the child IS the guardian. You cannot kidnap a child when there is no custody order unless you are married. The mother has all rights in most states. Best of luck to you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • get a parenting plan and youll be fine. just because you have a kid together doesnt mean you have to live in the same state.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:11 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • If I were him I would call too. Just because your not married doesn't mean crap. Collect can,s do whatever to stay where you are. Your child deserves both parents!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • I must say that if he's not in a position to provide any support for the child, it's a little unfair to try to dictate where you live. Destitute in the same state is not better than having a roof over your head in separate states, in my opinion. I don't know how far away you'll be, but the two of you can work out an arrangement for visitation if you're both willing to sit down and talk. In my state a custody/visitation order is not going to require that you be in the same state; only to give notice (and presumably work out a new schedule).

    Answer by B.Wright at 4:15 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • If you werent married and there is no custody plan in place, then there's no "kidnapping" going on.

    And yes, Anonymous 3:19, a child deserves both parents. In this case, if that man wants to be a part of his childs life he can visit the child where the child lives.

    I would never let some asshole threaten me with calling the cops and claiming I kidnapped my child and stay around for them. Sounds like a controlling you know what.

    Answer by madamekatekate at 4:16 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • You have 2 weeks before he can call and claim kidnapping. If you leave the state and he knows where you, you tell him your going to be at your best friend's house.........then he can't accuse you of kidnapping.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 4:23 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • depending on the custody standing ( must be filed, possestion dosent count LOL) you can move and that is not considered kidnapping. my sugestion get ahold of local welfare and let them know whats up.I know that this will take some time but they may have better options for you or a way that you can move and he cant say anything legally. I do agree that both parents need to be involved BUT you cant just sit there and end up on the street. There are many programs out there to help. File your unemplyment, apply for food stamps and cash assistance, housing and local utility help. Go to food banks whatever it takes.You are an emergent case and can get help quickly.ALL these programs will help you first step is welfare. Your case worker can help you with the rest.

    Answer by drivnkids at 10:29 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

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