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3 Bumps

Respect

It literally shocks me how some people think even if it's not okay with the mother of the child for a child to not call anyone but her mom, that a step parent should still let it happen. I am sorry but a step parent has no rights to a child at all and moms choice definatly trumps step moms on that one what does everyone think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:41 AM on Sep. 8, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (18)
  • It is true. The only exception would be if the mom walked away from the child at a very young age and never returned. Even then I believe a child should be told about their mother (and fathers when they walk away too). I have dealt with my share of step moms over the years bc my ex's have remarried & divorced. One has been married 1x's & had 2 common law wives. All but 1 of them was respectful. They expected the kids to just accept them even though they were not my kids choice, they were their dads choice. Respect has to be earned and so does trust. If you go into a marriage with that attitude it is better for everyone.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:45 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • I can understand the "mom" calling part. I can understand that a child should only call there mom, mom! But, to say step parents have no rights AT ALL? Is outrageous! There are some amazing step parents out there! That work really hard in raising children and are a ver big part of there lives.
    It's all about insecurity ! If you know where you stand as a mom with your child, a step parent should never be a problem.
    My son has a step mom.... I have no problem with her! He adores her! And I respect her for taking good care of my son.
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 7:17 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • Hey there - my stepkids want to call me mom, their b*tch of a BM doesn't want them too...hmmmm, who's feelings will I be respecting? The woman who would PUNISH my SD for telling her father the truth when she was 3 years old about what they did that day? The woman who STILL tries to convince them to lie about stupid things like whether they had their temperature taken with a thermometer before the fever medication was administered? The woman who looks at my stepson and says "sometimes I just want to smack your face you look so much like your father!" (oooooh I wanted to HIT her!!)


    Or will I respect the wishes of my step children who have found a stable and reasonable parent when their father found true love? It's a no-brainer.

    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 7:17 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • Livewell, love your answer lol. I also have two step children. I love them as if they were my own!!!! They want to call me mom so bad!!! But, to respect there crazy mothers feelings, I said it would better if they didn't ! When she found out, she went insane on them ! They came to us all sad and depressed ! The things they were told, the things she did... Was sad! Just shows how insecure shes with her self and her motherhood !!
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 7:22 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • Calling their moms crazy is sure the way to get the kids to love you! Perfect example of women thinking just because they have a piece of paper saying they are married they have any sort of "right" to children they did not give birth to. I am sure most of them believe their husbands 100% and he is and was always the victim of some crazy woman too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • @ Anon - I NEVER disparage their mother to their face, I ALWAYS tell them that their mother loves them the best that she can, that she will always be their mother.

    I believe my husband 100% and so does the judge, who called her "pathetic" and said if she came before the court again with these lies, she'd be tossed in JAIL.
    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 7:57 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • My children call their step parents by their name. As for step parent rights, both biological parents (if still in the picture) should come to an agreement on where step parents are in the decision process and what 'rights' as you call them they have to the children.

    SM in this case has agreed she wants no rights to the kids medical choices on her own and would rather is be a group choice, she is fine being called Clair instead of Mom and my now DH feels the same. COMMUNICATION!!
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 8:16 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • My DH is an amazing step dad to my DD. He is the one who is raising her and has since she was a baby. She calls him daddy but her dad is not around. However, he does not have any legal rights. If I die he would be nothing more then her half brother's father the only way he would have rights to see her is if he got sibling visitation or if my ex couldn't take care of her (which is a very real possibility DH would be one of the choices to take her.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:42 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • I disagree. It depends on the situation. Both my ex and i are remarried. My son DOES NOT call my ex's wife mom, as she is not in any way. They don't like each other. She is mean and yells.My son only see's her maybe once a month, if even that. He won't go on his visits if she is with his dad. So if she would say "call me mom"....NO, you have not acted like a mom.

    Now my husband has raised my son with me since he was 3. He attends all school, sporting, etc. events. He coaches my son's sports teams (becasue bio father won't). Bio father has never been to one school event in 5 years. Bio father see's him maybe once a week for a few hours. My husband does ALL the parental things with/for my son. So step dad IS dad in this case. He behaives like a dad in every way. Bio father doesn't like it when my son calls my husband dad, b/c it hurts his pride, but he won't step up and be the dad, so i feel he lost that choice.
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 9:37 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

  • BTW my birth kids call me Laila, and call my DH Papa, even though he is not their real father...they call my ex Daddy. I think it's a hoot :) AND apparently, the higher the level of education in the family, the more likely children are to call their parents by thier given names. People will sometimes ask why my kids call me by name, and I tell them "because it is my name" :)

    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 9:40 AM on Sep. 8, 2011

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