Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


I have a question, I was talking to my sister about divorce. She gave me an example of me and my husband, she told me that he would get our girls because he has a job and can support them, and I do not have a job. I told her that he doesn't spend anythime with them, doesn't ask about them when they go to the doctor and is Active duty military.

My question is Would he get the girls, since he neglects them and doesn't take care of them even when he is home. Would he get them just because he has a job and I do not.

I have thought about it over and over and It got me thinking if we did get ONE, I do not want to lose my girls, I take care of them 24/7 with NO HELP.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Dec. 30, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It really depends on the situation but the military has tough lawyers. That still does not mean you want get them. Depends on how old the girls are and several different things.

    Answer by proudmom2x at 11:25 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • He would not get your girls. Nine times out of ten he would be ordered to pay you child and spousal support b/c he is the sole winner and would have to keep you in the lifestyle to which you were accustomed for x amount of time, during which you could find a job to be able to financially support your children on your own. If I were you I wouldn't worry about it.

    Answer by micrespo at 11:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Not necessarily, if you can show that you have the means to support them with out him. If you have a support system, like your family. Also, it is really hard for a mom to have her kids taken away, at least it is where I live, you have to be proven unfit.

    Answer by Jazak at 11:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • No you cannot lose custody because you have been a stay at home mom. You can always get a job if you need to of you get a divorce, and spousal support and child support and then you are also able to financially take care of them.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • No. The courts will almost always grant residential custody the the child/ren's primary care giver. The only way they don't is if the other parent can prove the primary care giver is a danger to the children. Jobs, college degrees, none of that matters. It's all about who's with them the most.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Here's a link to lots of great info on custody.  It'll take you right to a check list for determining who the primary care giver is.  Then there are a bunch of links that will run you through the basics.


    Answer by desert_diva at 11:34 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • I got both of my kids and I was a SAHM. He had to pay child support (no spousal support) and I had to get a job. We now live with my mom, but my lawyer told me that the judges would be hard pressed to take away children from their moms even if there were problems like drugs. It just doesn't happen. AND being a SAHM just means that you spend MORE time with your children making a seperation even MORE DEVASTATING if they were to send then with their father.
    No worries. I hope it all works out though, being a single mom is pretty hard without family help. And, him being on active duty would give you very little child support (I have been on active duty and know how little you get paid to begin with)

    Answer by son_and_moon at 11:35 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Yes, I have a family that would help me, but I'm just worrired about it, he plays his game while he is at home, the girls can scream and scream for him he ignores them, they can say I love you daddy he ignores them, When he gets real mad he tells me to leave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Not likely, actually. Do you have a video camera? record one of those screaming sessions, without him knowing. Ammunition, you know.

    I bet he wouldn't even try to get the girls.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:55 PM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • yeah, a video recording would be good. just pretend it's for memory sake for the girls' years from now so as to not make him mad. you want to catch him acting as he usually does not acting for the camera.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Am i selfish?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)