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2 Bumps

My 13 year old son is very mean to me when he doesn't get his way and I don't know how to handle it.

He doesn't listen, he is always doing something I have told him time and time again not to do (trash on his bedroom floor, several dishes piling up in his room, missing homework assingments) Just recently I had set an expectation this school year, he is in the 8th grade, no missing assingments, last year he had so many and received bad grades, already the 3rd week in he had 6 missing assigments so I grounded him for 4 days, meaning he could not go outside and hang with friends, on Friday I let him go to his school carnival for 2 hours and he called 10 minutes before he was supposed to be home and asked to stay out longer I said no he said he hated me and he wasn't coming home. He did come home but was very mean to me saying I don't care you are always mean, ect. I try to explain I did something nice why do you have to treat me this way and he says he doesn't care, this whole week he has been an asshole to me even though he knew what the expectation was. I am so upset with the way he treats me and doesn't respect me, Help~

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cherylannie

Asked by cherylannie at 8:33 AM on Sep. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • sounds like he needs to go to boot camp!!!
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 8:35 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Welcome to the teen years! I swear my kids all lost their damn minds until they got to be around 20 or so. Just stay consistent. Also pick and choose your battles, because he wont be able to. He will be picking battles forever because he is trying to find his identity away from you. It is what teens do. And good luck.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:37 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Yes, the teen years are all what you described, let him be grumpy and mean, as long as there is no disrespect to you, ignore him, he will find out that if he follows house rules things will be ok. Don't let the I hate you comments gets to you, it is a universal language for them, but they do not really mean it, ignore and keep up the good work, this is just the beginning of a very long battle stay consistent and you will come out a winner!

    older

    Answer by older at 8:43 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Stay consistent and if he has a laptop, cell phone,etc...I would take it all away (except if he makes it out of the house, give the cell phone back).Some kind of punishment that will get him where it hurts the MOST...............whatever it is that he likes the most, I would take it away, not allow ihim to do it, etc until he can show you some respect......
    Danielle163

    Answer by Danielle163 at 8:43 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Gem Gem is right on the money. This is really an important part of their development and personal growth.

    The only thing I have to add is to not take anything he says personally. He lashes out at you because he totally trusts that you'll love him no matter how crappy he acts. It's sort of a backhanded compliment :)

    I had three girls who went through this at roughly the same time. I'd just get one through the worst of it and another would start. I thought I would die from frustration. By the third one, I was a pro!
    Brawnwyn

    Answer by Brawnwyn at 8:50 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Well aren't the teen years just delightful! I'd make the boy wish he was in a boot camp. Mommy boot camp is much worse! The boy would have no life other than school, homework & chores. No video games, no computer, no cell phone etc. He would have to earn those privileges back by doing what is expected of him, including his treatment of you! No more eating in his room either. If he doesn't like it, so what?! Parenting is not a popularity contest. And if you don't nip it now, things will only get worse! GL mama! :)

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:59 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • i dont have teens of my own but have stepkids that are teens. try have a adult talk with him. ask him what you mean to him? reimind him of all the good things you let him do, and you you do those things because he repects you, and so when he doesn't you take those things away. he wanting more space as like a adult. so try sitting down with a adult talk, see what comes out of it, and maybe yall can make some compermases. your doing a good job dont give up!!!
    momof239

    Answer by momof239 at 9:08 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Thanks everyone for your quick responses! I needed some guidance, I know this is just the beginning cannot wait until he is older and can appreciate all that I have done.
    cherylannie

    Comment by cherylannie (original poster) at 9:17 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • chery, there will come this time when they grow up and see what a difference structure made in their lives, be patient and consistent, and never give up even if they put up walls for you climb and climb again those walls, never give up on them no matter how desperate you get!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:23 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • i raised 4 teenagers all of them pretty decent adults now , one thing we did NOT tolerate was them being rude and disrespectful ! which it sounds like you get alot of . have a family meeting a REAL SIT DOWN discussion tell them that you cannot tolerate it ANYMORE! and can we make some kind of agreement to treat each other better because lets face it , you are family unless somebody dies you will be related to each other forever ! remember you are the parent , head of household and you make the rules ! we sat our kids down and asked them to name 3 things that they would like to see different that i may be able to agree to change . they name curfews , allowance , chores , we as parents compromised some but didnt give in on school nights . allowance was increased but with more resposnsibilities added . chores are a matter of keeping our house clean and sanitary , we exchanged some chores for others
    nanafor5

    Answer by nanafor5 at 9:28 AM on Sep. 10, 2011

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