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HOW DO I BUILT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER WHO IS 13?

I DON'T REALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER I HAVE A 5YR OLD SON WHO TAKES UP ALL MY TIME AND I DO SO MUCH FOR THAT I TEND TO NEGLECT MY STEP DAUGHER WHEN SHE VISITS EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. WE HAVE HAD A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP SINCE AFTER MYSON WAS BORN I DON'T AGREE IN HOW SHE DRESSES (tube tops and extra padded bras) OR ATTITUDE WHEN MY HUSBAND DOESNT GIVE IN TO HER . SHE HAS CAUSED CONFLICT BETWEEN MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS USALLY WHEN I DON'T ALLOW HER TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS OR MAKE HER CHANGE HER CLOTHES. I AT TIMES FEEL LIKE I DON'T LIKE HER AND WANT TO KEEP MY SON (HER HALF BROTHER ) AWAY FROM HER I KNOW SHE IS A GOOD KID AND LOVES HER BROTHER BUT HOW DO I GET PASS ALL THE HURT AND LIES THAT SHE HAS SPREAD AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • me and my step mom hated each other...after all my dad married her after 3 months that my parents divorced (married for 18 years) she just showed me she was tryin...you gotta remember you cant pick favorites...it will be hard my 15 year old sis always did and still hates our step mom. but we became best friends! it just depends on the effort you put in it and what kinda girl she is.good luck honey!
    youngandafraid

    Answer by youngandafraid at 12:57 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • One of the biggest things you should stop doing is telling her how to live her life, that might be part of the problem. I don't mean this to offend you but you're not her mother nor so she may dislike the fact that you're trying to act that way by telling her how to dress. If it bothers you so much you should tell your DH and have him discipline her and speak to her. I love my step mom we have a Great relationship, but that is because she's been a friend and guidance to me she never stepped in and tried to act like a parent. One woman pre Debbie, tried to act like my mother and set rules for me. I never liked her because I felt she was over stepping her bounds I already had two parents, personally I don't agree with step parents making life decisions , setting rules for the house like the door gets locked at 11 whether you're home or not is one thing.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 1:42 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • you are in a unique position... capitalize on it. Be her friend! As the step mom you can totally say, "well, i wouldn't but...." and so on. Her mom can't afford to do that. Capitalize, and be her friend. Surely you remember 13? You can guide, and say, hey- I did this, but wouldn't recommend it... you can be the girlfriend... try it!
    4theLoveofLovey

    Answer by 4theLoveofLovey at 2:40 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Try taking one day when you have your step daughter and have a "girls" day out. Try and be on her level when talking to her. Don't judge her by what she is wearing. I have a 11 year old step daughter and we have a great relationship. I just listen to her when she needs someone to talk to and i do things with her. Just try and get interested in things she likes. dont rush it
    2boys1girl4me

    Answer by 2boys1girl4me at 4:15 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Wow I do sympathinze with you. My stepdaughter is also 13. She came downstairs in shorts last week. I told her it was 45 degrees outside and to go back upstairs and put on pants. I am a big huge meanie of course. She thinks I am the total evil stepmother even though I always include her in what me and my child (age 9) are doing. I take her out on weekends and make sure she gets to have fun. I think my problem is that she really likes me but feels like she is betraying her Mom by liking me. She told her dad that she "hates" me and wants to come over and spend time with her Dad but doens't want me to be at home. Where am I supposed to go? I should move out of my own house for this girl? These other people who tell you to spend more time with your stepdaughter, that is not the thing to do. Do, however, spend bits of quality time with her if you can find something in common. Good luck.
    lizrider

    Answer by lizrider at 6:54 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

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