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21 Bumps

Please give me some advice ladies.Not looking to be bashed, I am a heart broken mother right now....who is hurting and confused!

My thirteen year old son was arrested a few hours ago for hitting me. I begged the police not to take him. I am so distraught and depressed right now. I feel so awful that it got to this point. I had my older son come over and try and calm me down. My older son agrees that my thirteen year old should have to pay for what he did. My son was on the computer, and said something rude to me (mocking me) and I told him to get off the comp. Well, he ignored me so I came over and unplugged it. I felt he was being extremely rude by not listening to me. I told him to go to his room. Well on the way up the stairs, he said "fuck you stupid bitch". Needless to say, I ran up those stairs really quick...got in his face and said say it again! He said it again really stern. I slapped him! Yes, I did. How dare he! I am a single mom trying to raise him on my own, along with his siblings....and you have the nerve to say that to me! So he then pushed me in to the wall. I told him he was so going to get it if he put his freaking hands on me again. I went downstairs, and he followed me yelling and swearing at me. I then grabbed him telling him to get the heck out, and get some fresh air before something serious happens. He was making me so upset I couldnt breath. I felt like my chest was caving in. When I had his arms to stop him from getting in my face, he was holding me up against the kitchen sink, and I could literally feel my back cracking. I some how got out of his hold...and went at him. We basically fist fought. He then took me by the back of my head and slammed me to the floor. My daughters that came down and seen what he did called 911. Well they came, and asked what happened. I told them everything, I also told them I hit him after he called me a fucking bitch. The cop told me straight out, that he doesnt feel that is a reason for my son to do what he did. He told me, that he probably would have done the same thing. He said thats whats wrong with these kids today, they dont get the discipline like when I was younger. I agree....but now look! All this, so fast....but seemed so long. Now my son in in jail. I am so distraught right now. I cant stop crying. Why! Thats all I can keep saying! I am dying inside. Why would he do this. I might want to add that my son is only thirteen but 6ft 3. So he is way bigger than me, and stronger.Now what do I do. I never wanted this, and now I have to decide on Monday in court, if I want him home with me...or to go to a group home for a while. what would you do? I know my son, and he will probably come how with a attitude again, but they I dont want to leave him at a group home. So confused!!

shrugging

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Sep. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (98)
  • Oh, mama. I am so sorry you had to go through that. You did the right thing. I think a night in jail is good for him. It is one thing to call you a fucking bitch, but actually putting his hands on you is a whole other level. He is only 13! If you do not give him some tough love now, who knows what he will do when he is 17 or 18. I know he is your son, and it is hard on you to see him suffer, but you are actually helping him by staying strong and sticking to your guns. ((((BIG HUGS))))
    mdrgator10

    Answer by mdrgator10 at 10:53 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • anon...stop being such a rude bitch...and if you are going to say that kind of stupid shit on someone else's post, at least come out in the open and say it. no need to be a cunt.
    mommy_wambles

    Answer by mommy_wambles at 11:21 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • I'm sorry you're going through this, but I don't understand why you weren't taken in? Everyone seems to be siding and being sympathatic towards you, yet you hit him first. If that was done in a relationship that'd be assault on your part & people would try to hold you up to the standard of "walk away"..I get that sons shouldn't be acting that way or calling their mothers that. But everyone has their reasons for lashing out no matter the relationship or circumstance. You ran up the stairs to him asking him to say it again. He does & you slap him, he retaliates, You threaten him to do this or that with "You'll really get it".implying "more"...and you're the mother, I get being a single one is hard, but does anyone else get where I'm going with this? Sounds like he learned this from you, & it's probably not the first time you got physical w him You BOTH need to face the consequences! You're the adult. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • Hi,

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    CafeMom Admin

    Answer by CafeMom Admin at 11:38 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • Oh.....my.....goodness..... One thing to remember here is...you are the parent...Not your son. You MUST make him respect you; otherwise, when he's off in the "real world" he won't respect anyone else and it's our job as parents to prepare them for this. Having the cops take him away is what's called "tough love". He can NOT think it's ok to call a woman that, he can NOT think it's ok to place his hands on a woman, & DEFINITELY NOT IF THAT WOMAN IS HIS OWN MOTHER!!!!! No ma'am! I can surely empathize w/you; however, the correct step of repercussions is taking place. The absolute first thing out of his mouth better bean apology when you go pick him up & possibly big brother needs to sit down & have a serious heart to heart with him. Sigh. Tough situation, sorry you're enduring it, but operative word is 'enduring'. It's what we as moms do on a daily basis.
    mleilanim

    Answer by mleilanim at 10:55 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • anon - get the hell out of here. It does not matter what she said or did. There is never an excuse to lay your hands on your parent.
    mdrgator10

    Answer by mdrgator10 at 11:08 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

  • let's remember, not every post by anon is by the same person. Just sayin....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • While I understand that your son cursing at you was very upsetting, I think you could have picked a better reaction and punishment for him. The situation got out of control because of both of you, not just him. I agree with the other women that have suggested counseling. It can help both of you control your anger.

    blueberry1

    Answer by blueberry1 at 1:01 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • DAMN!! THE WHOLE FAMILY NEEDS COUNSELING!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:34 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • Put him in the group home before his uncontrolled anger is taken out on your younger kids!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Sep. 10, 2011

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