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13 Bumps

I hate my step son!!

He is 13 and he has always hated me. I try so hard but I hate him i need to get this off my chest. I feel like a REALLY bad person but 13 years ago my SO cheated on me the girl said it wasn't his until i got pregnant 3 years after that. I have tried so hard over the years but he makes it very difficult. His father would have nothing to do with him if it weren't for me. He don't feel like he is his son he feels more like he is a nephew. I feel like this is sooooo wrong. The boys mom is a wack job and she wants then she doesn't. He is all screwed up and gets in a lot of trouble I feel like he is going to corrupt by boys Please don't bash me I just needed to vent and I thought that is was Cafe Mom was created for.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Sep. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • This is not going to be a popular answer (and I'm prepared for the vote downs) but you have to put YOUR own children first. This means that if your stepson is a bad influence on them he doesn't get to spend time around them. You said your SO would not have anything to do with the boy if it weren't for you - stop pushing him to bring this boy into your home, instead I would push for him to get some counseling. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:08 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • I am sure this child feels very unwanted. Conceived in secrecy, denied by dad, and resented by stepmom and maybe even bio mom. All 3 of you owe him help. You all need counseling. The poor example to your boys are their parents handling of dad's affair. What a mess..poor kid!
    BigMomm4

    Answer by BigMomm4 at 2:10 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • Do you resent him? Is that what you're feeling? Don't hate the child....maybe he gets in trouble because he feels unloved. I can understand your frustration, but not your hatred. :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • Remember, the child isn't the one at fault here. All he knows, is what he was taught and how he was brought up. Sounds to me like you resent him for the way he came into this world (again..not his fault). And maybe the reason he gets into trouble is his way of acting out due to the small amount of love he is getting from the people that should love him. Stop blaming the boy, and starting placing the blame and hatred on the people who made the boy the way he is. Then maybe you can begin to see a bit more clearly.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 1:54 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • have you ever thought that negative attention is sometimes better than no attention at all.... seek counselling for all of you.

    traren

    Answer by traren at 1:54 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • i don't think you actually hate him.....i think you need to find out the reason you have such trouble with him (i think it has less to do with your step son and more to do with your husband cheating), and then deal with that. things will get much easier then. a good place to start would be a family counselor like pp suggested.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 1:31 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • family counseling
    if i say anything else i may get nasty- so that's my best advice
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • This site is a great place to vent, but realize that if someone reads your story and is offended or disagrees in one way or another, they have every right to vent back.
    I'm sorry, I really don't have any advice concerning your stepson, but I know how hard it could it could be, so I sympathize.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • maybe you and your husband needs to sit and talk. This is a family matter and the father needs to be in the boys life. If you truely hated this boy, you wouldn't make your husband spend time with him. So just take a breath, then remember this child is an innocent child. He did not ask to be born into this situation. So maybe he is lashing out because he see's your kids getting love and attention. Now give it to him, love him. He needs it.
    PurplePancakes

    Answer by PurplePancakes at 2:02 PM on Sep. 11, 2011

  • Well I for one read your entire post! (just had to put that in) I read where you said that your husband doesn't see him as a son, but more as a nephew, and that you are the reason for him even being involved. So maybe the boy picks up on his father's feelings, and his mother's and yours as well. kids are pretty perceptive. As for him hating you, I am sure his mother doesn't have anything nice to say about you to him, and he is just going by what he has heard from her. I unfortunately don't have any suggestions for you except for talking to your husband about how you feel. I do agree with some other posts, I don't think you hate him, just maybe the situation you are all in, and the actions from the boy.
    december911

    Answer by december911 at 2:11 PM on Sep. 11, 2011