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Does anyone else feel left out or like a third or eighth wheel?

I keep finding text messages in my fiances phone that are really not bad usually schedul changes that he is agreeing to with his ex. He knows how I feel about this but seems to ignore my feelings on it. They are my weekends toooo!!! I usually find out by mistake or by asking at a later date and then a fight errupts. I am also having a hard time with his scheduling things for himself without asking if I had plans or if I wanted to do anything on a Sunday when we don't have any kids. He says we have plenty of time together during the week that if he makes plans for himself on Sundays it shouldn't matter. I disagree. We have my SC every weekend and its not always easy. I think Sundays when we don't have kids should be for us. Maybe its time to bail out. Any suggestions ...I am getting really emotionless and feeling really sad and hurt that he continues to do this without considering my feelings.

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Asked by tinkerbell64 at 9:36 AM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (21)
  • I would just let him schedule his stuff. Don't even ask him anymore. When he comes and says something to you about things he has planed, just say that's nice, I have other planes. Don't let him control your life. He doesn't have any respect for you don't give him any.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:44 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Sounds to me like he is putting his kids first, which he should do. Why are you going through his text messages to begin with?

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:47 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Your fiance is inconsiderate. My hubby has a baby mom and they never talked like that. They are now making plans through their 11 years old son. She couldnt be mature about anything so he stops communication with her. When hubby and I first me hed always ask me if I wanted to do anything or had any plans before he agreed to any other plans. Now, hubby always says to the baby mom Ill check with my wife to if she has anything going on before agreeing to her schedule with the son. Do you want to deal with it for the rest of your life? It is going to be really hard. Trust me I know.

    Answer by aznblond9 at 9:48 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • His kids are going to come first... and if you don't understand that then things probably won't go over well. It sounds with the attention and alone time you are wanting... you might need someone with a little less responisiblty and more time for you. I would def postpone getting married though till you guys work something out with this situation.

    Answer by dtetz at 9:49 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • its her husband there is nothing wrong with going through his text messages. i go through my hubbys and he goes through mine and there is no trust issues between us. we just do it to do it. And i don't agree with just letting him plan and do what he wants and not acting like you care.. my hubby was always doing something else whether it was hunting, trapping, cutting firewood,, or just hanging out on the farm with his cousins... and i finally told him fine do what you want i don't care

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • (i'm always at home and never do anything for myself unless its going to themall and i still have my son with me) but i when i said that it only pissed me off more because i was hoping he'd see it was bothering me. well men are stupid and he didn't. i feel like his mom and i feel controling but were married and he needs to spend time wtih ME. not his cousins. you should just tell him. now i think its really weird he is hanging out with his ex and real fishy. it sounds like you two have problems you need to work out!! so i would bring it up to him.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • well i didn't get the part that the ex and him have kids.. but your still his wife and he should discuss things with YOU also

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:56 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Sorry, I really have to disagree with any posters who said "his kids are going to come first" In a marriage, you always put your husband and wife first before guys make plans together and plans should never be finalized until you both agree. Before you ladies start bashing me, I am not saying any men should neglect their kids but the wife is always gonna be the one who take care of her husband and will be around until death do them part!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • These are not the kind of things that go away. What you are seeing are indications of who your man really is. The only way they or he will ever change is if he wants them to, which rarely ever happens. If I were you, I would tell him good-bye and look for someone who believes in considering what is best for the both of you and not just what he enjoys or wants to do. I think you should be glad that you have seen this now rather than after you had children with him.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:12 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • BOO FRIGGIN HOO. Be GLAD he's a good father and WANTS to see his kid(s) every weekend. Dealing with his ex is probably a pain in the ass. I'd lightly discuss it with him. Maybe set up a schedule. But don't bitch because he wants to see his kid. Imagine how oh so difficult life and planning events would be if you guys had full custody. What would you do with your precious sundays then?? Get off the poor guys back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

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