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how to deal with a stubborn 15y/o

My 15 yr. old daughter is sweet, caring and a wonderful child. BUT, she is very strong-willed(which I am glad about, sometimes!). We ask her to keep her stuff picked up, room, coat, bags. She will do it most of the time, but she has even told us that she doesn't like being told what to do and she will do it when she wants. My husb. thinks she is just being disrespectful and told her we aren't buying her anymore clothes and he will turn her cell off. Tough love/easy going??? THANKS~~

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hmkr38

Asked by hmkr38 at 10:07 AM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Easy going... it's just the age... almost every child gets like that at that age... I would try not telling her to do things and see what she does... I remember when I was that age (5 years ago... Lol) it was a really big deal to me.. I hated feeling like I was being told to do something before I even had a chance to do it myself... it was so annoying... it felt like nagging. I was much more likely to do things if just left alone about it. But if it doesn't get better after trying easy going... I'd try tough love.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 10:19 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • OMG...no way. "Its the age" is getting to be a very old answer. It might be the age, but theres gotta be consequences for her talking to you that way. If you don't have her respect, you dont have anything. I have a 10 yr old that is very much like this but shes never told me that she won't do it, she just dillies around about it until her dad goes in and takes everything she has from her. Having nice clothes and cell phones are priviledges that children who obey and respect their parents get. In fact, I have a teen on lockdown right now for sneaking around and disrespecting another mother. I will NOT tolerate it. She has no computer, no cell phone, no friends, no ipod and nothing else. CONT...
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:30 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Easy going will only send the message to her that we are okay with your mouthiness. She is not in control because shes the child. Not that you should overcontrol her behavior, but asking her to pick up a room that is in YOUR home is not too much. Tough love...NOW! This can only get worse if not checked. Being a teenager is not an excuse for disrespect. Had I said that to my dad, I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week. I never spoke to my dad that way and I feel that even I let my teen get away with more than she ought to. Good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:32 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • At 15, she is only 3 years from becoming an adult. As an adult she needs to be responsible for herself, training is now. What worked with my sd was giving expectations, like her stuff not left in common living areas (livingroom bathroom etc.). If she choose to leave her things lying around I would take it and not give it back. When she would go to school and she had nothing lying around I would give her something back when she got home. I agree with her wanting to do it when she wants to and the way she wants to do it, but give her a time frame to get it done, and let her know ahead of time the consequences of not finishing it within the time frame. Don't remind her with in the time frame and follow through with the consequence immediately if she doesn't do it.
    MomShawn70

    Answer by MomShawn70 at 10:58 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Well, as long as she's under YOUR roof, she needs to respect YOUR rules. When she lives in her own dorm at college, she can throw her crap all over the place and live like a pig. Till then she needs to pick up after herself and do her chores.

    Don't let her wipe her feet on you. You're not a doormat.
    kimberleee382

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I agree with MomShawn70 and kimberleee382.

    I am only 16, I still live at home with my dad and he constantly tells me to pick this up, pick that up.
    If it weren't for him telling me..my room would NEVER be clean. (cept for now i have a 3 mon. old and i keep things picked up so i can navigate around when i need to change her or feed her and play with her. )

    TOUGH LOVE!
    etiheidas

    Answer by etiheidas at 3:36 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • hi, i get the same thing from my 16 year old daughter. sometimes i just want to pull my hair out. i always take away the cell phone for a few days .. that usually gets them where it hurts.. but i was once that age too and i understand... im just a mom that cares to much!
    angelfeather071

    Answer by angelfeather071 at 4:34 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

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