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What is considered proper discipline in twleve nearly thirteen yr old daughters with mouth and attitude problems?

My child will be thirteen in January. I am having terrible problems with her in her treatment of me. She appears to have no respect for me like she is my equal. I have tried grounding from her books which she loves her X box, grounding her to the house.Spanking etc last summer I stripped her room she had her bed and dresser and she had to earn everything back. She says now she doesn't believe in God due to science in school, it's not logical etc. Is this a phase they go through? I am at my wits end. She can be so loving and good at times, wonderful little personality. She is out for school holiday and instead of wanting to be with friends she lays around. She doesn't seem to have m,any friends she would like to hang out with away from school like she used to. She seems depressed but she won't talk and I am now the enemy so tried counseling to no avail. She acts like she hates me. Help!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • Sounds like she's testing your limits. Don't spank her, you want her to defend her body, spanking undermines her control. Whatever punishment you go with make sure you stick with it. Try rewarding good behavior. I don't envy you, I'm dreading the teen years. Good Luck.

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:16 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • welcome to the TEENMANIA ....this will be a hard time for you if you don't get controll quick!

    Is her Father in the household ?
    Has she changed friends,schools,moved,did you divorce?

    I have 6 kids in my live age 6-26 boys and girls.....lets talk

    Answer by Diamant at 11:36 AM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • My daughter is 13 and has a llittle attitude at times and what I do is take her cell phone away for awhile until I feel she has earned it back, but she also has older siblings that will correct her at times. I will also give her a reality check when it comes to her school work ,we homeschool her.

    Answer by RLWELCH at 12:40 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • That age is very difficult. She probably doesn't even know why she does it. Maybe she just doesn't feel like she fits in any cliques at school anymore. Try to keep her busy. My dr says that movement is a key player to fighting depression. It may be time to enlist her feedback as to appropriate methods of discipline. Yup, kids can be the best sometimes in giving their own discipline. Sometimes they are even harder than parents. Just ask her if she were you, how would she deal with her? As for the God thing, let her figure it all out now on her own so she's not wandering aimlessly thoughout life trying to figure it out. At her age I was checking out all religions and questioning the purpose of religion in general. Science is wonderful but it can be a religion of sorts in itself. Just don't stifle her desire to find what she is seeking.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:28 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Keep trying counseling if she doesn't want to attend it's ok u can't force her but continue you need the advice to get through this difficult time and likewise if u r unhappy with the level of advice then look further. Go to the library arm yourself with a guide on how to raise strong teens with self esteem or anything along those lines to help you both get through these turbulent years. Weather the storm my dear I'm not going to lie it's tough but be consistent however NO HITTING you will lose her altogether. Try other tactics. Also, get her involved in many sports /extra curricular activities, dance or music lessons & such. Keep her busy so she doesn't have any idle time. Cont.~

    Answer by Bellafleurs at 4:35 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • There is a wonderful Psychologist Dr. Joy Brown who gives free advice on the air and though she is tough & tells it like it is you may benefit from any advice she can give you as well about parenting. Keep in mind her hormones are going haywire & just think back how it felt to be that age plus all the technolgy etc. she is faced with today. Love her & keep the doors of communication open no matter if you don't see eye to eye. Tell her that you love her & call her honey, sweetheart, princess & all things nice ... one day she will come around, trust me on this. Good luck & Godspeed~

    Answer by Bellafleurs at 4:36 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Maybe she is depressed, also sounds like shes hard headed too. My oldest daughter was a hateful smart mouth and she has gotten a little better, but I think its just worse for some than others. I have a 13 year old son, he's not a smart mouth, but he has a huge temper and when things don't go like he thinks then he pitches a fit like my 1 year old. When my daughter was14 I would make her write paragraphs. The more she acted bad the more paragraphs she would have to write. I remember one weekend I bet she almost wrote a book! LOL.... try something like that, who knows it might work. good luck

    Answer by TammyG. at 9:47 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • She sounds like a lot of teenage girls I've come into contact with.. and admittedly, a bit like myself as a teenager. With the religious beliefs thing.. let her be on it, as a teenager you do a lot of "soul searching"- trying to figure out who you really are, etc.

    Maybe you should put her in an extra curricular activity until her attitude improves - would help her meet people, maybe help her find an interest aside from xBox or books (you should feel lucky though she enjoys reading, I don't think my 17 year old sister has finished a book probably ever).

    Unless she really exhibits the need for it avoid counselling at all costs, you'll make her feel like something's wrong with her, like she's a freak, etc. and it'll probably be really embarrassing to her.

    Answer by littlemummy31 at 7:58 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Science in school has nothing to do with whether or not she believes in God. That 's a convenient way to push your buttons. Science didn't create those problems, hormones did.

    For what it's worth, my 13 year old called me at work today to complain because she couldn't find the remote. She proceeded to tell me off. I cooled off and called her back. She refused to answer (later I found out that when she hung up on me she took the battery out of her cell phone and hid it.) I called the house and she refused to take my calls. "Daddy makes the rules you can't say anything that matters!" she screamed at the home phone before she hung it up on me. Yea, I took her cellphone, she still has the battery hidden. The little ball of hate is 13 and they tell me that girls hate you as soon as they have their 13th birthday. Go into self-preservation mode. Ground her and treat yourself to something special.

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 10:32 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

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