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4 Bumps

Ex's step kid using my kid's stuff. Did I handle this right?

I have 2 sons with my ex, 8 and 12. My ex is with a woman who has a son who is 13. I have full custody, my ex has one weekend a month. In his home, he does not have cable or satellite no kid DVDs to speak of and no game systems. It's an apartment so unless it's the summer when they can swim, they have nothing to do (the play ground is for kids 10 and under so my 12 year old can't use it plus there must be an adult with them and my ex refuses to take them) and there's no place where they can even throw a ball or ride bikes (not that my ex has them) or anything. During his weekend, which is from friday after school at 3 pm to sunday at 3 pm, he takes them on one outing only so most of the time they are expected to entertain themselves. Because of this, I bought them a second XBOX 360 to keep at their dad's house (I used to let them just take their to and from his house but they would sometimes forget (more like he would tell them they are going out and would be back before he dropped them off and then just drop them off anyway so that he could use the system and he would refuse to let me pick it up). I thought this was the perfect solution, and it was, he even bought them a game for it, other then that, they brought the games back and fourth, the only rule was they couldn't bring more then 2 games at a time. Well now his girlfriend has moved in and her son lives with them half the time. He is 13 and is very destructive, he doesn't take care of anything, not even his own stuff. He has broken 2 of my son's games and his mother refuses to replace them so I told my ex that he is not welcome to use the system that I bought for my sons. My ex told me I have no right to dictate what goes on in his house, I said yes I do if it involves my stuff. ? Well I don't want to take the Xbox because then my sons would be back to having nothing to do. So I came up with an idea, you can set parental controls to games and if the game rating is higher then allowed, you need a password. There is a way to set it to where you can't play any games without a password. I had my 12 year old set it with a password (the 8 year old doesn't even know the password, so no one tricks it out of him) I also only enable the XBOX live (which I pay for) when my boys are there. They also bring home their controllers and any games they take every weekend. Well all this happened this past weekend, my ex is pissed because his girlfriend is pissed that now her son doesn't have a system to use. I feel that it's not my job to provide her son with stuff and my sons don't worry that their XBOX is going to get ruined while they aren't there

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Sep. 12, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (50)
  • AWESOME. If it continued to be a problem I would have custody agreement amended that your child has personal space away from destructive/unstable older child.

    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 12:24 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • Yes you did. Don't worry about it. If her kid didn't destroy things, you wouldn't have to worry about him using it. Or if the mother was willing to replace anything that her kid broke you wouldn't have to worry about it. But that is not the case, he has lost the privilege, she has lost the privilege, they only have themselves to blame.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:25 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • good job, you're right, it's not your place to make sure her kid has something to do, it's hers
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:26 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • I agree with you.
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 12:26 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • I'd give my kiddo a firefly type phone, too, so that if he's being ignored, bullied, having his things ruined, etc he can safely call you from the privacy of the bathroom or something.

    see if there's a ymca or something near your ex's house where he could take a swim class, open gym, martial arts, daycamp, SOMETHING to break up the monotony
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 12:26 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • Do they like to read? Maybe have them take a book or 2 with them. I do not think I would have sent the xbox to begin with! You were not in the wrong! To be honest you do not have say on what goes on in his house but can give your opinion! The BF should be spending quality time with his children not nothing time! Good Luck with your situation!
    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 12:27 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • good for you if that kid used it right thats cool but if he is just going to tear it up u did the right thing.....and btw you handled it very civil and mature!!! good for you!!
    rebecca2012

    Answer by rebecca2012 at 12:29 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • Honestly, something about this rubs me the wrong way. I get where you are coming from that you want your kids to have something to do, and that you don't want the games you are buying to be destroyed by someone else. But at the same time, the children are now clearly pitted against each other. Irresponsible or not, imagine how excluded the 13 year old must feel? He lives there now, and every other weekend along come your two boys with their games that he can't play. How would you feel if your children went to their father's and had to watch the girlfriend's son playing with a computer your boys were unable to use? And it seems a little vindictive and childish to have the password and all of that. Like it's just too much work. I am sure you just want your sons not to have a miserable weekend, but there is a lot they could do besides XBOX- books, games, magazines, etc. It just seems like it is more trouble than it's worth. GL
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:33 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like the best solution you could come up with. The box itself maybe damaged when the go back though and that would be a shame. The only other thing I can think of is some sort of handheld game that they take everywhere with them.. I think it is wrong of your hubby to treat his kids this way too but I have no advice for you on that score. Eventually they can decide that they do not wish to go. Does the dad even want them to come over?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:34 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

  • I think this is the perfect solution. Congrats!
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 12:35 PM on Sep. 12, 2011

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