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Can someone help me on a relationship issue?

My childrens dad is going on 25, he doesn't help with any thing around the house in less he is asked a bunch of times to do something. He is not motivated in getting a second job or going to shovel snow off our nieghbors roofs for extra money, because we are barely making it by. . I can't stand his family ( long story) and my mom can't stand him. He has no common sense, has to be told to brush his teeth, no motivation, and his patience sucks he slams stuff around and just acts like a little kid ( it's anoying). He said he would go to some counseling but when I asked if he could make an appointment he said that he didn't need help and that he would change. The 3 years we have been together there has been no change. My mom says I can do better and deep down I agree, but I feel I should stay for the kids and it lets me stay home.

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Terryn2069

Asked by Terryn2069 at 1:53 PM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • It sounds like you already have your mind made up about staying with him. You know he's not going to change. So what do you need help with?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Never stay just for the kids if you are miserable so are they. They can pick up on things like that and you will regret waisting your time/life. If someone does not want to change, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to change them. Maybe a separation see if that maybe opens his eyes. If you do not love him then dont even try that just get divorced.

    mommyjof2

    Answer by mommyjof2 at 1:57 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • ewww sounds like a lazy piece of poop and that you could do better.
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 1:59 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • if you can tolerate it, then stay but just know that it will never change and you are cheating yourself out of finding true love and happiness but it's your choice
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:04 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Im having the same EXACT problem.. I"m so frustrated I contemplate leaving all the time. I care for him but he just doesnt get it.... if you get some good advice, forward it along!
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 2:09 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • If he doesn't even care about his hygene (?) then I'm sorry but I'd have a hard time living with him or even dating him. Your kids are learning from him and you're going to have to decide if you're wanting him to teach him that way of life. If you're not married then I'd have to tell him I couldn't live like that and hope he'd change, if you're married I guess I'd do the same thing (tell him it's time for change whether it's him straightening up or you and the kids leaving) but the marriage is a lot more complicated to walk away from.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:14 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Im sorry that you are dealing with this. I am a stay at home mom and my husband is extremely active and helpful and anything but lazy. We have had our issues and went to counceling for a little while which did help. I would try counceling, but dont expect him to make the appointment. Make the appointment and tell him when and where. Try counceling for a while and if that doesnt work then maybe seperation with a set visitation schedule with the kids so that he can see what he is missing out on. I hope everything works out because divorce can be even more difficult.
    Shannon0622

    Answer by Shannon0622 at 3:14 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • i know i will probably hear alot about this,i do believe in the staying for the kids..if you had kids with him to begin with then you obviously saw something in him that you liked\loved so try to remember that part.his things you didnt like obviously didnt show up over night so it could be you are just annoyed sometimes of his habbits or lack of.i dont believe in divorce!you need to work at staying married and believe me it isnt easy.my husband and i have a love hate marriage .i still feel the pain from my parents divorce and that was over 30 years ago!also children would much rather have some bickering than you two not being together.its a shattered world to them.also it sometimes.like mine makes a once great Dad into a crappy one.he was always there for us then,got a tast of the single life and slowly forgot about us.good luck lmknow how it turns outfor ya
    ALLSPORTMOM

    Answer by ALLSPORTMOM at 3:32 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I agree with allsportmom...I believe in staying for the kids. Marriage is hard but life after divorce is harder! His habits will never change...you have to change the way you deal with the situation.
    mittensoup

    Answer by mittensoup at 3:42 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Think of it this way...

    You stay with him= he teaches your kiddos how to be a lazy, stinky bum.

    You leave him= you find a wonderful man that makes your life complete.

    Never stay just because there are kids involved. You need to do what's best for them and give them a good role model in life.
    Nunyabiznes

    Answer by Nunyabiznes at 3:48 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

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