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My husband wants to re-enlist - should I be upset?

My husband just told me that he would like to re-enlist and if he does he may very well be deployed. We have 3 children at home and I really don't want anything to happen to him. Should I be upset at him for wanting to fulfil his duty?

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ggsmom789

Asked by ggsmom789 at 5:04 PM on Dec. 31, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (41)
  • Does he want to be as far from you as possible? Yes, I would be po'ed!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • No you shouldnt be upset. If this is what he loves to do as a career then you should support him. Look at it this way. What if you were in a line or work you wanted to do and your husband didnt support you?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:06 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • In some ways it's a joint decision. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? My DH was in the Marine Corps for 10yrs. I loved it. He wanted out and I wanted him to stay in due to many reasons. He only had a few more years and he could have retired. He decided to get out and he has always regretted it to some extent. Every family has to make that choice for themselves.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 5:07 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • anon, enlisting has nothing to do with trying to get away from someone
    op, talk to him about why he wants to enlist, tell him why you dont want him to, but it is ultimately his decision, and i think you should try to support him, whatever he chooses
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 5:08 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I don't think you are wrong to be upset. When my husband got out it was the happiest day of my life because it meant he wouldn't go back. If he had chosen to go back, I would've bawled my eyes out. Talk to him about how you feel. Don't supress your feelings and try to suck it up because it will just build up and explode later. I'd be very sad if my husband had reenlisted. BUt if he had, I would have had to accept that this would be our life. This is a decision that is MAINLY his, but you are his WIFE and your opinion should matter. You need to make this decision together. He needs to think of you and your children, but you also need to think of HIM and what his service means to him. Obviously it means a great deal to him if he wants to stay in and you should support him.
    MamaCatCat

    Answer by MamaCatCat at 5:09 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • And I just prayed for you, because I know that's gotta be FREAKIN hard. *hug*
    MamaCatCat

    Answer by MamaCatCat at 5:11 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I think you should support his choices. I remember being told as a young girl by my grandfather the worse thing he ever did was leave the military but he did it for my grandma. He has such resentment towards her that their kids always felt that was why bc he always brought it up. My ex husband was in the army and I hated it. I went to my mom for advice and my dad happened to also be a marine. She told me when you married him he was in the military and asking a man to change because you dont like his career path is completely and totally wrong and not what a wife is supposed to do. You are there in good & bad, better & worst times. Not just times you get what you want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I think you should support him. Do you work? How would the two of you make it in this economy with three kids? Being in the military is a calling and a passion. If you convince him to get out I can tell you that there will always be a part of him that will hold that against you. You are asking him to give up a great career with full benefits because you do not want to deal with the chance that he could be deployed and you will be alone. That is kind of selfish don't you think? Unless you have a great career where you can financially take care of your family, you need to support him and tell him to stay in.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 5:26 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Anon, MOST (though I can't speak for all, but MOST) of those who re-enlist do not do it to be as far away from their loved ones as possible. Why upset someone who's generally asking for advice? Unreal. If you really feel strongly about him re-enlisting, sit down and talk to him about it and see what he thinks about it. I know exactly how you feel. When I was engaged, my DH (obviously fiance at the time) was enlisted in the Marines. He was thinking of re-enlisting and although I do not want to live the military lifestyle, I told him that although I wasn't crazy about it, that if he felt he wanted to serve his country and that this is what he wanted to do as a career, that I would fully support it. (cont...)
    my2luvbugs

    Answer by my2luvbugs at 5:33 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • Honestly, it sucks if it's not what you want him to do, but he also needs to know that you're happy with what he decides and that you support him even if you have to eventually learn how to accept it (that isn't to sound mean...I hope ya understand what I'm trying to say). If he re-enlists and is shipped out, the best thing for him will be to know that you are behind him 100%. =) The scariest thing is not knowing what might happen and "what if"'s that can keep you awake at night. My DH is now a police officer and I worry about him at night too and what could happen if he doesn't come home....but I have to live each day and night trying NOT to think about what if's because it can seriously take a toll on yourself and your relationship. Look at the positives and all that he's doing and sacrificing for him, your family and his country.
    my2luvbugs

    Answer by my2luvbugs at 5:33 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

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