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2 Bumps

Help!! My daughter is touching herself...

The other day, after getting my daughter (4 years old) lotioned up and in her jammies after her bath for night night..  Her dad and I were talking.. Then she took the lotion put some on her hand, and put it in her pants rubbing her privates... While smiling at us, she kinda gave us this strangle look like she was getting pleasure out of it.. I'm worried is this normal.. Any thoughts? Also she just started school, and I'm worried what the other kids are teaching her.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Sep. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Lotion? Wonder what she has walked in on that no one noticed.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 12:50 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • I'd be wondering where she got the idea of putting lotion on that area?

    Touching at this age is normal. It's part of self-discovery. And, it does feel good.

    figure out how she got the idea to use lotion, what she has been watching or if she has seen someone do it.

    Then talk to her about privacy and what is appropriate in public.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:51 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • The lotion part threw me a bit but the touching is perfectly natural. Kids at this age are becoming self aware and part of that is sexual self awareness

    Answer by Brawnwyn at 12:53 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • This is actually very normal, and probably not something she's getting from the other kids. Honestly, it's not uncommon for little kids even younger than this to do this sort of thing, too.

    The thing is, it does feel good to her, and it does bring her pleasure - BUT - NOT like what it would for an adult who is sexually aware. To her, it's just a new part of her body that she's discovered feels good when you touch it (sort of like it feels good when Mommy rubs lotion on her arm, or brushes her hair, or whatever). It's NOT about sex to her - it's about exploring and discovering her body.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:56 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • It is normal. Adress privacy and time and place.. I highly doubt anyone has 'taught' her. My GD started the same ting about the same age. It is no different than little boys discovering if they touch their penis it feels good and becomes erect. You tell her touch her private parts is something that should be done in private and never in front of other people. I would discourage the lotion. It could increase risk of UTIs. You don't want her to feel like it is nasty or 'wrong' just not something she should do in front of others. Talk about hand washing afterwards as well.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:56 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • cont

    I think I would tell her that you know that this feels good, but that this is a private area, and that if she wants to touch herself there, she needs to be in private in her bedroom. Also, stress that it IS a private area, and it's HER body, so if SHE wants to touch herself there, that was one thing, but that NOBODY else should touch her there.

    Don't make a huge deal out of it, but whenever she starts to do it in front of you or your dh or anyone, just simply remove her hand from her pants and gently (and sort of in a matter of fact way) say, remember, that's a private place, and leave it at that.

    The "newness" of this will wear off and she'll get bored with it and stop eventually.

    (sort of like when she was a baby and discovered she had hands, or feet, and was just FASCINATED by them, but I bet she doesn't just sit and watch her hands move now, right :-) )

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:58 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • Also, I agree about the lotion - it's not a good idea, because of infection. But as to why she was using lotion, I'm guessing it was because you had just used lotion on her on the rest of her body, so, it felt good, the lotion was there.... Not like there was anything ulterior about it.

    Just tell her that lotion shouldn't go there.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:00 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • I'm worried about Abuse because of the lotion.I'm so upset.. She's only around her dad, my mom and my brother lives with my mom. One time she said daddy hurt her. I asked her again about what she said (in a calm manner). And she said he didn't. I told him about it and he wanted to get her checked out because he said he didn't hurt her.I took her in to see a dr and the authorities were called (CPS) and police (I was fine with that I wanted to know the truth). They video tapped her and she said he didn't touch her the case was closed.. I can't keep taking her in because she does strange things like this. This might end my marriage because I was abused as a child and I'm always thinking someone might do it to her even her dad. Please don't bash me... I'm just so confused.. Thanks...


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:07 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • The touching is completely normal. I would tell her that it is okay to do so, but she needs to do it in the privacy of her own room with the door shut.

    However, just like the other posters, the lotion is throwing me for a loop. Perhaps she remembers you using cream for when she had a rash? I still will put Desitin on my 5 year old DD because she doesn't wipe worth crude and gets red and itchy.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:09 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

  • This is actually quit normal. Just try to be calm about it and remind her that she shouldn't touch herself there in front of other people. It isn't dirty, nasty, or sexually deviant in any way. All children go through a stage of "discovery" and "exploration" where their bodies are concerned.

    Answer by asmcbride at 1:12 PM on Sep. 15, 2011

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