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How do I make sure she knows him?

I have a 5 month old daughter who I love to death. Her dad/my boyfriend was sent to prison 4 months into my pregnancy so he missed most of my pregnancy and her birth through now. He will be locked up for another year or so. How do I help him by making sure she knows she has a dad who wishes he was here with her? Hes so worried that when he gets out and holds her for the first time that she will pull away from him and not want anything to do with him? Has anyone been through this or know what I can do?


Asked by Kierra2008 at 1:23 AM on Jan. 1, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (11)
  • ^^ She'll be a year and a half old when he gets out of jail, I'm highly doubting that she'll be able to make an educated decision about his character and what is right or wrong, I think that may have to be mommy's call. I agree with the pictures, my hubby (military) was gone for a little over a year when my daughter was 14 months, she saw him every few months for a week or so , I showed her lots of pictures to help her remember him. I know yours hasn't ever known him, but pictures and just telling her it's daddy should help. I do agree that you should make sure he's a good influence for her, but I have no idea what he did or didn't do and it's not my place to tell you what to do. You're a parent and an adult, so I presume that neither I, nor anyone else on cafemom (^^) needs to tell you. : ) Best of luck!

    Answer by toriandgrace at 4:19 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Lots and lots of pictures. Blow them up and laminate them, so she can play with them. She'll get used to his face this way. Also, if you have any video recordings, play them for her so she can get used to the sound of his voice.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 1:29 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Show her pictures and let her hear his voice if he calls. Do you get to see him? Always talk about him. She will get to know him and everything will be fine. Good luck.

    Answer by KaceesMom at 1:30 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Gosh, is he really the kind of influence you want in her life?? He may be her biological father, but maybe it would be best if rather than pushing him on her you allow her to decide what she thinks of him when she meets him..
    To be fair- he screwed up. He did whatever he did and made the choice to not be in her life by doing it..
    It might be best to teach your daughter the difference between right and wrong, and allow her to be the judge of his character and form whatever relationship she desires with him.

    Answer by Liyoness at 3:39 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Also, here is a link to some groups that deal with your situation, I've found the groups on here to be the most helpful.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 4:23 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • If you have a good clear full body picture of him i would suggest getting her a "Daddy Doll". My husband is in the military and these dolls are made for children who's fathers are deployed. but really anyone can get them.

    This will give your child something physical to bond with and associate with her father. Hopefully this will help her be more comfortable with him.

    Answer by Cassieniccole at 6:18 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • "Gosh, is he really the kind of influence you want in her life?? "

    Sorry, but that was extremely rude. We love our family members even when they make mistakes. He made a mistake and is paying for it, he'll pay for it the rest of his life since his record is permanently screwed. You want him to be punished by his loved ones as well? This is why there are so many repeat offenders. They can never get their life back on track because of their records, and in many cases their families abandon them. They go back to crime because of this. When she gets older the daughter can make a decision about him, but she at least needs to know him to make that choice.

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 8:05 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • I don't think it's that rude to question the kind of influence a man in prison would be on a child.

    Answer by BambiF at 11:38 AM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Ok, ladies, it is up to Mommy if she wants him around or not! If he isn't a good person, the little girl will figure it out on her own - kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

    As for helping her know...I agree LOTS OF PICTURES!!! And tell her who he is. When he comes home, make a big deal & get her all pumped up to see Daddy!! By then she may understand more things get her a new dress for when she sees daddy...and send him lots of pics too! =)

    Answer by CrystalMayrand at 12:10 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • We dont know why he is in prison, and not every criminal is a bad person. Have you seen the rise in robberies? Its a sign of the desperation of people in this hard economic times, same with drug dealing. He may have had a DUI. There are so many crimes he could have commited because of a character flaw that can be fixed, or he was very desperate.

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 4:40 PM on Jan. 1, 2009