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What can I do about my alcoholic husband ? I am not strong enough to leave him as don't work and can't support myself.

I have been married to my husband for 27 years, in fact he was my first and only love. I have been going to counselling for many years myself as I suffer from panic attacks and have a low self esteem. He drinks every night and goes out about 4 nights a week and comes home drunk, turns the bedroom light on and wakes me up and then gives me verbal abuse. He has hit my 24 year old son and was told by the police to keep away for 6 months, which he did. He shows no love towards any of us, and tells me he hates me. He doesn't think he has a problem, as he thinks an alcoholic is someone who gets up and drinks first thing in the morning. He keeps threatening me saying that he is going to make myself and children suffer and sell the house, although he can't, as it is in both our names. I am afraid to spend money just in case he does though. I am living on a knife edge all the time.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Jan. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Please call Al-Anon. You cannot help someone who does not want to admit they have a problem. Also contact your local Legal Aid to see what options you have about your home. You need to get away from this abuser, you need the necessary tools. I would also contact your local women's shelter to see what their criteria is. You need to get yourself and your children away from this person.

    You can do it, stay strong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • there are shelters for victims of domestic violence, you can go to one, you can also contact social services and they will help you get a job and the skills nessary to support yourself, you can also call the police, and they will make him leave the home and not let him back
    good luck, momma, you'll be in my heart and prayers
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 2:35 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Is there any family that you can go to? I feel so bad for you but you need to get yourself and the kids out of this situation. Call your local churches, hospitals, shelters and find out what your options are. There has to be someplace you can go. Maybe if you are no longer there to be a punching bag, he will finallly own up to the fact that he's an alcoholic and needs help. Good luck to you and your kids.
    Jerseymom1228

    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 2:39 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • honey you are not going to change him he is alcoholic and until he decides to get help there is nothing you can do but leave and make a life for yourself. i am married to an alcoholic too and it sucks and you do think there is something you can do but in reality you can't the alcohol is the most important thing to them and it always will be
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 2:39 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Al-Anon. TODAY. Also contact an attorney....you need to line up legal protection for yourself. YES, this means divorce. But you don't have a marriage here so you won't be losing anything but an abuser.

    LEARN to support yourself! You CAN do it! Go to the local Employment Development Department and ASK about job training.

    Can you add and subtract? You obviously can type. How about answering the phone? Call centers, reception, checkout clerks...the learning curve isn't going to be steep as compared to jobs like computer programming. Even in a tough economy like this, there are ways out.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:49 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Well I guess it's time to get a job and move out. Your kids are grown, what do you do all day really?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • I'm married to an alcoholic also and I know how much it sucks! My husband is not abusive at all, just so damn annoying. And yeah, mine actually did get up at 5am and drink first thing in the morning and continues to drink now (but not here, thankfully). It just never ends until they seek help and stick with it. Al-Anon is great to get some support, but ultimately it's up to you to take that first step toward a better life for yourself. Good luck. You're not alone.
    CookieMom108

    Answer by CookieMom108 at 2:57 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • I have been there and one day I got enough courage to call police and have him arrested and I know how miserable you are I was in a very abusive relationship with my husband for 18 yrs.,mental,and physically,he was an alcoholic,and used drugs,he sold everything we had,and I and my daughter were much happier after we got out,and have been out for 6 yrs now.Pray for strength,and guidance and just keep your faith up.
    MomOfTriplets08

    Answer by MomOfTriplets08 at 3:40 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Since you do not have any young children to care for (atleast you did not mention that you do) than you can either have him removed from the home or you can leave the home.


    There are shelters that will take you in. There are programs to help you find jobs and network with people. Counseling is what you need to build up your esteem.


    You do not have much of a marriage if you choose to stay and deal with his abuse.


    Let him be miserable alone, you deserve ALOT better.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:53 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • can you stay with your 24 yr old son?
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:40 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

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