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How do I get 9 yr. old DS to take care of himself when he is away from home?

My DS went to his bio father's for a few days. They stayed with his grandmother for the few days he was there. This is normal. When he came home, he hadn't eaten lunch, he had hot chocolate and candy for breakfast. Yesterday for dinner he had butter and bread, lunch, bacon, breakfast-pancakes and bacon. When he brushed his teeth tonight, I asked him if he brushed at his dad's and he looked at me with shame and said nope. I told him that if he didn't start taking care of himself, he can't go because they obviously aren't taking care of him.

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Asked by Maddape48854 at 10:11 PM on Jan. 1, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • bring it up with his dad and gma. ask them to make sure that he takes care of himself. if thats a problem, and they wont comply, then if you feel its in your best interest, then dont let him go, uness he HAS to... be sure to explain to your son the importance of hygiene and a healthy diet, and show him what CAN happen if he continues. maybe hell make the change on his own. and be sure to be consistent at your house.

    Answer by soldiermom1986 at 10:14 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • At 9 if he can get away with eating whatever he wants and not brushing his teeth he's going to do it. My ds used to get away with all sorts of crap at his biofathers and the more I said something to my ex about it the more lax he became on the rules at his house. Just stress the importance of hygiene to your son and don't worry about the diet, eating terrible for a couple of days isn't THAT bad.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:27 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • He does have some behavioral issues and concentration issues when he eats too much sugar, red dye and doesn't get enough vitamins. That's why this is such a big deal! He gest him all sugared up and sends him home for me to straighten out! UGH!!

    Answer by Maddape48854 at 10:33 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Here is what I don't get, I've posted things about my SS for over a year now, and I always get the same type of thing, He is old enough you cannot blame his mother. So I will offer you the same thing, at 9 he is old enough you cannot blame his father. Unless of course we all agree that there is a double standard here.

    I would talk to the dad though, because you guys should talk about those things. We have had those issues. For a long time SS didn't take care of his teeth at his moms (the custodial parent) and he had bad cavities. Of course, she won't take him to the dentist either. But she expects him to shower everyday and when he is with us we are okay if he goes a day or two without a shower. If there is a court order you cannot just not let him go though, you will have to go back to court for that. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • When they go to camp they do the same thing- no tooth brushing, eating anything they want. If there really is a health issue with his diet, then talk to the father or whoever is in charge there, but other than that, patiently continue to teach the best way to do things (brush, good food) and why. In time his childish behavior will stop as he leaves this stage, and after all, he is a child so we can expect childish behavior. Thank goodness he has you to work with him on taking care of himself. I remember telling my boys at one point (when they would only brush if reminded) that when their teeth had cavities when they would hit their 20's that at least I wouldn't have to pay for nor sit through the fillings. LOL! I don't know that telling this did them any good, and really, they haven't had cavities yet.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:55 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • My son does the same thing at his dad's house. I just have to remind him AND his father what good hygiene is like. Sorry.

    Answer by richgirljj at 10:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • That's just kids for you. I can remember my brother going to Boy Scout camp for a week and coming home wearing the same underwear he left in. GROSS!

    The good news is he outgrew it and is now a successful doctor.......LOL!

    Also, my kids get to do about anything they want at their grandma's house. That is kinda what grandmas are for.............for the few days they are there it probably won't hurt them to eat junk food and go without bathing/brushing.

    Answer by Dyndudes at 2:44 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

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