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What do I do with my lazy unmotivated 19 year old daughter? She will not get a job, or go to school. Everyone says kick her out, take away her phone, etc. But here's the clincher she has type 1 diabetes, and brittle and she has a serious lack of care for herself.

I try to help with counseling, job websites, school sites. I am newly remarried, and have a son who is 21 who is off to college, my husband has a daughter who is off to college, I am in the time of my life that it is my time of life, if that makes sense. I am not looking for animosity or argue with her I don’t want her on the streets, I just want her to get her head on straight, what do I do? I really want to help her, I want to see her succeed, the tough love doesnt work, she just stays clear to try and not rock the boat. But, she is on my couch 24/7 and is just soooo lazy and unmotivated, she does do things I ask, chores etc.. but i am just tired of the lazy pernamant fixture.  Any suggestions please?? 

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Sep. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (23)
  • And how does a cell phone effect her diabeties?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • She is 19, and should know how to properly care for herself. As long as you're doing everything for her, she doesn't need to be motivated to move out, and become an independent woman.

    Give her a time line of what is expected of her, and consequences of not following through, and you stick by what you say.


    Answer by Christine0813 at 4:51 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • the cell phone is the only way we can keep in contact with her while were at work, she has had many seizures in the past and lack of care. And its the only way she can receive a call for a possible job ( if she is really applying) ..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:52 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • I think the time line is an excellent tool.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:54 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • You have a tough one there. I am not sure there is anything you can do, short of cutting off the cable. Basic phone package...block everything but phone calls. Is school not an option?

    Answer by AngZacc at 4:55 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • yes you are correct i need to follow through its true. She lived with her dad for a long time and he did everything for her in regards to her diabetes, I mean everything.. i fought this in court , and with doctors, to only be told I was right but nothing else.. so she was constantly spoiled and disabled. I am in a challenge

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:57 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • Sorry but I have a 19 yr old son who is Bipolar and has tons of allergies that could kill him. He refused to go to college or get a job and it was out the door with him! He moved in with his sister who shortly after ended up kicking him out as well because he was lazy, rude, would not work, would not even help around the house, and was coming home drunk. Now he is basically homeless. He came over the other day and I offered to let him stay if he went back to school and he said "And thats a hell to the no". I said then go back to your sisters and help her. He said no I want to do what I want. I said fine, be homeless. Sometimes you have to practice some tough love.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:59 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • her being tired may be part of it. As for her getting a paying job, good luck! I've been through this often. as soon as employers realize that I have medical issues they go from feeling I am a ideal employee to suddenly hating everything I do.
    I understand wanting her to get a job, but that may not be the place to start, particularly in this economy.

    sounds like she's discouraged. Maybe you can start small by encouraging her to do things like take up a hobby. I've got a world of medical problems myself and I know how hard it is to get off the couch sometimes.
    I'd start with giving her something to do while on the couch. Like doing some embroidery for a charity, reading a book that the two of you can discuss. Just to show that you love her.
    then give her clothes to fold, take walks with her to get her some fresh air. Always makes me feel better.
    then in time see if she can take a class at comm. college.stepByStep.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • time line ... hmmm good idea, but what if she doesn't hit it?? take away things??? ahhh like texting etc... good! I am trying too get her to school even volunteer somewhere...she has failed her driving test twice too..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:06 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

  • Is she suffering from depression?

    Answer by DigiScrapperMom at 5:17 PM on Sep. 20, 2011

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