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I am heartbroken...

My daughter just called and told me that she did not want me or anyone else at the hospital when she gives birth to my first grandbaby later on this month. She said she would call when they left the hospital. I think it has a lot to do with her boyfriend, who will not come around us. If you ever wanted it to be just you and your SO at the hospital, what was your reasoning? Would you still have wanted it to be that way if you knew that it was breaking your family's heart. Right now I feel like a death has occured. Something special is being taken away from me that I will never be able to experience again. The birth of my first grandchild. Why would anyone be so cruel, or am I being selfish?

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Asked by zachsmom900 at 11:50 PM on Jan. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • That depends on her reasoning. Maybe she just feels that it would be too much to have everyone there? My SO and I didn't want his dad and stepmother there, but that is because they do nothing but frustrate us. Did you ask her why? Talk to her, that is the only thing you can do. I hope everything works out for the best!

    Answer by lilbit837 at 11:53 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • well, my mom was at my first, but at any others i dont want her to be there bc she was no help. she only said, i told you it would hurt! ugh...
    but, the best thin gyou can do is ask her if you can sit in the waiting room and see the baby seperately, like in the nursery. but if i WANTED my mom to be there, and the father didnt like her, i would have to tell him too bad, or that you have to avoid eachother.

    Answer by soldiermom1986 at 11:54 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • Please don't take it personally. It's not about you, and missing a few hours in comparison to the years you'll have to love this child isn't that bad. Birth is a personal thing, and lots of women don't want anyone but their SO there when they're going through it. Support her decision, she's got enough to worry about right now. Even if you're feeling hurt, it's time to put on that brave mom face and make it all okay for her.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:55 PM on Jan. 1, 2009

  • I honestly didn't want anyone but my husband and I there when I gave birth to my son, I simply did not feel comfortable with it, and this was a decision I made, not my husband, even though he doesn't get along especially well with my parents. It was nothing against my Mother, it was simply my preference. I would just trust that she just personally doesn't care to have any more people then necessary in the room with her, try not to be to hurt, I'm sure it's not meant as a personal shot at you!


    Answer by dedicatedrider at 12:00 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Gramma-stop it right now. not trying to sound harsh but this is dd's turn to shine. I understand she is your baby and u want to be there,I would be hurt too.But if u make a big deal out of this it will cause more problems and pp is right,you have yrs of good memories ahead of you please don't jeperdize(sp?) that.She has so much going on right now,please support her,no guilt tripping,vent to friends about it,not her.This is her time,her baby,her choice-it has nothing to do with hurting u-u had your turn-let her have hers. We have decided to not have inlaws at the hospital.There are many reason-they are not in great health and we don't want to worry about them making the drive,other more personal ones but really it is because we as a couple want to have that precious moment to ourselves.We made this life and we want to be the ones who welcome him.The world will crash in soon enough.I hope that makes sense.Congrats nana!

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:06 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • well i let anyone who wanted to be in there in and i hated it so many people were talking and yelling it was horrible i told everyone wit the next baby it will be me and my hubby only.. if sum one told me that it was breaking their heart i would probably reconsider it

    Answer by MiSs.SmOkEy at 12:06 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • My daughter and I have always been very close. This is why I do not understand. I told her I'd stay away from them, I'd stay in the waiting room, I just want to be there at the hospital when he's born. I have a sick feeling that her boyfriend will end up never letting us see the baby. They live together, BTW.

    Answer by zachsmom900 at 12:07 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • the boyfriend can only do what dd lets him do-not seeing the baby..I cannot believe she would do that.As for it being like a death...seriously?Now that would break your daughters heart to hear you say that,and to answer your question about being selfish-sorry but yes,it is a little selfish sounding.I think u are just stinging right now and it is making you blow things up,kwim?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Okay, as my Grandma always said...'Don't put the cart before the horse'. Worry about not seeing the baby if and when it happens. Save yourself that stress. If it does happen, you and your daughter are close. Talk to her about what's going on, and see what you can work out. Does he work? Because she's going to need lots of help after the baby comes. Maybe you could offer to go over and help while he's gone?

    Answer by desert_diva at 12:20 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • The boyfriend is very mind controlling. He has a way of getting her to do things in a way that makes her think it is her idea. There is a lot more to the story that I will not go into. As far as it seeming like a death, I said that because it feels like this little baby that we have been looking so forward to for the past 9 months, is suddenly ripped from our arms. I personally do not think I will ever see either one for a long, long time, if ever again. That is why it feels like a death.

    Answer by zachsmom900 at 12:24 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

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