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how to deal with grown,married kids ?

Allmost every day one calls (there are 5) And one is having a great day and another is down on there luck, one is mad and swearing and another is just bored etc. I fill I dont have time for myself, let alone a business or husband or even a Grandson (1 years old) And the house well not to much gets done, just the basics. I cant even do any hobbys. I fill like turning off the phone and locking the door and hiding in my own home I am so tired of all the ups and downs, with them. Thay dont take my advice or ideas on the things there talking about. And it goes on and on. If they know I'am at home thay come and hang out here and take to each other and here I sit nothing getting done ! Thay wont help with anything and most of the time thay leave their things (pop cans etc.) for me to clean up when thay leave. When I go somewhere, where have you been and you know i've been waiting here for a long time ???

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tamiav79

Asked by tamiav79 at 8:32 AM on Jan. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • i would turn off the phone. they are grown let them solve their own problems you need sometime to yourself. good luck
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:34 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Well it sounds to me that even though they are grown, they still need to be treated like children. Tell them, "I have a lot to do today so if you're going to be here get a broom" or something like that. Don't answer the phone when you're busy. They will make it without whinning to you.
    Sammieanne

    Answer by Sammieanne at 8:35 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Being a parent doesnt end when they turn 18. I have learned that much. I have a grown dd and a grandson with another grandbaby on the way. She calls me several times a day, or is here all day and I never get anything done. I know though she is calling me and seeing me because she loves me and believes I have some sense or she would ask me about what to do. No she doesnt always listen but thatll happen in time. I think you just need to understand just because they are adults doesnt mean you arent their mom. There are kids out there who never call their moms, so atleast you arent complaining bc they never call u lol. Try looking at it that way. Obviously you did something right bc they love you & call you everyday even if it is annoying,.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:36 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • DITTO to GemGem, I agree 100%.  I think you just need to understand just because they are adults doesnt mean you arent their mom. There are kids out there who never call their moms, so atleast you arent complaining bc they never call u lol. Try looking at it that way. Obviously you did something right bc they love you & call you everyday even if it is annoying,.

    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 10:07 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • One day my mom ran away for the day!! She hopped to the next state over to visit family without calling or anything...yeah it was really immature lol but it gave her the break she wanted & rattled us enough that we gave her the space she needed ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • start making time for yourself. Turn off the phone for a few hours each day let your answering machine answer! Do your children live near by? If so maybe you can make Sunday dinners so you can enjoy your children's company. Make date nights with your husband, make a date with each child. I actually would rather spend time with my kids than just talk on the phone. Offer to have your grandson come over for the day.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 1:20 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • If you don't feel like answering the phone, get an answering machine. Then call them when you can spare the time. We can only be used if we allow ourselves to be. So stop letting them take advantage of you. I rarely give advice unless I am specifically asked. It is perfectly acceptable to tell them that you are dealing with your own set of problems. If there is something that you can do, ask them what that might be. The main idea is to stop allowing yourself to be the victim of their behavior.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:13 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I agree with gem-gem also, but that doesn't mean they can mess your house and leave, make them pick up after themsleves...you are the mom.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:15 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • They are being immature and walking all over you. You need to set limits. Give them certain days they can come over. Or tell them if they do they must help----hopefully like when they were growing up. Tell them lovingly that if they will not listen to your advice, please leave you out of the drama. I have grown kids--19+. They talk with me about many things in their lives. We are all very close. But would they use me like that--no. You must have been a good mom in most ways except teaching them to respect you as a person. You are fortunate, but they are using you. It is called manipulation. People treat us the way we teach them. They do need to grow up--especially putting on the guilt when you go somewhere!!!!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • LOL--That is my kids are all over 19 years old---I don't have 19:-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

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