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alternative punishment (No hitting!)

I have a 6 year old who is ver good for the most part, but lately had had an occasional additude problem, and has been a little mean to her little brother. We used to just put her in the corner but it no longer seems to affect her. She doesn't go outside much anymore since it's cold so grounding her doesn't work. She hardly ever watches TV so I can't take that away, and the entire house is full of toys so I can't send her to her room or anything because she would just play and it wouldn't be a punishment. What can I do. I'm looking for ideas other than spanking or hitting her. She gets her additude from her bio mom who she sees every other weekend which makes it even harder because she's just doing what she sees her do.

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Asked by Sammieanne at 8:59 AM on Jan. 2, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • do you guys let her get on the computer to visit barbie? or something. if so ground her thats what i do with my 7 yr old...she hates it! just take whatever is her favorite thing away for a day or two.

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 9:04 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • well the house wouldn't be full of toys cuz i would take them all and she would get one at a time back. is she acts right give her one toy and tell her when her attitude quits she can have them all

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:05 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Reward good behavior. Explain the attitude that you don't like and everytime she gives that attitude she gets a strike or such. After three strikes she doesn't get such and such at the end of the week (like a treat or something)

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 9:07 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • What I had to do because I also dont hit my children is I took the toys out of their room and stripped it down to the bare minimum. Then I had them earn back their things by being good and doing positive things. I have actually had to strip my teens rooms to nothing but a bed, dresser & blankets and then had them earn things back. That is what my parents did with me and what it does is reinforce that good behavior is rewarded.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:12 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • There really is nothing as effective as spanking. It is the only method of discipline which quickly teaches a child that you, as the parent, are the person of authority in your home. This is especially true when a child is going from one set of rules to another. Sadly, a small child has to be reminded where she is and whose rules apply. Spanking is not "hitting." It is to be used in conjunction with teaching. You have to state the rules, state that this is what will happen every time the rule is broken, and then you have to follow through. If you have a set method, you will be able to do your duty without anger. You say to the child that she broke the rule and it is your duty to train her not to do it again. It works, and when done properly, seldom has to be used.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:19 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Make a poster with her about the rules in thehouse and hang it up. That way there are no surprises and she knows exactly what is expected of her. Let her know ahead of time what the consequences of bad behavior will be.

    If she acts up, send her to a chair or room with nothing but boring stuff in it (or make her sit at the kitchen table) for 6 minutes. If she continues after that, make her help out with dishes after dinner that night--or something else she would really rather not do.

    Don't forget to have a nice talk with her to see if you can find out WHY she is acting that way. If there is a reason, then you guys can work on it from there.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:02 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I don't spank either. I think the suggestions to remove toys are good. Takes away other activities and privileges as well. It must be hard having another parent to deal with. I've never had a problem with my way of discipling my kids, they are great kids so I will disagree with spanking being the most effective form of disciple. It certainly isn't.


    Answer by Pauline3283 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • First, do not blame her biological mother. Every other weekend is not a huge amount of time and you are giving that woman control over your household. Power she doesn't really have. Children learn they can behave one way at mom's house and one way at dad's house. So what it amounts to is how you teach her to behave while she is in your home. Second, you should be applauded for not using spanking and thinking more creatively. There are tons of ways. To name a few: have her go to a chair and sit there for six minutes and come up with 1) what exactly she did wrong 2) what to differently the next time 3) fix the situation right now if possible. This teaches her how to correct her actions. Punishments are not worth anything if they don't actually teach the child anything for the future. cont...


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:18 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • cont...You can also read stories to her from the library on this subject. Getting a long with her brother, living in step family situations, ect...and then discussing them. Watch a movie about this topic and then discuss. Create firm and loving boundaries, be specific, and NEVER blame her actions or behaviors on her mother. That is almost a self fulfilling prophesy for her and for you.


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:20 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Blaming her mom is just backing your self up. Just take her mom out of the picture all together when she is there thats her business take care of your haouse don't allow her mom in your home. You are the person in control so decide on what the punishment will be,my son used to get angry at his sisters he would want to hit,really hard,so I took a rubiks cube, he would have to sit on the sofa and fit one side of this toy together before he could continue to play. He learned not to hit. He didn't like the rubiks cube but he uses that with his child now. So maybe get her a puzzle when she acts out have her sit at the table put this puzzle together before she returns to do what ever she wants....Always,Always talk to her.....never bring up mom,she is your daughter at your house,only moms daughter part time.......You are filling her life....God Bless....

    Answer by Nissa54 at 11:46 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

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