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How do i get my mother to realize that my daughter is not hers?

For about 9 months my mother helped me with my daughter because i was going through a tough time at that point! And now when i tell my mom things about what i wanna do-- by potty training, takin 1 nap a day, changing sippy cups, takin away her passy, etc-- she flips on me and tells me im doing it wrong! that its not time for it! stuff like that and im to the point where i just dont want to go around there anymore! HELP!

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babymomma2218

Asked by babymomma2218 at 9:11 AM on Jan. 2, 2009 in About CafeMom

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Answers (11)
  • Well if she was helping you and has the child on a schedule then at the moment she may know what shes talking about. Changing a childs routine is never a good idea for them. I would sit down with her and explain that you feel like you can handle things now and want a list of what the childs schedule has been like so you can go ahead and duplicate it without interfering with the childs routine.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:13 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Be nice about it.. since she was helping you and she feels like a mom to this baby. Just start saying like to your daughter oh look you MOMMY doesn't want you to do this, or your MOMMY doesn't want to do that.. Or look at her and say oh okay MOMMY. If she doesn't get the hint then do the grown up thing and have a talk with her and ruffle her feathers a bit... but still remain respectful since she has helped you out tremendously it sounds like!! :)
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:14 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • dont tell her what your going to do..and if she tries to interfere or go against your wishes let her know that its your daughter not hers...i had to do it with my step mom and im a very blunt person so im sure it sounded rude. but she got the point and i didnt have anymore problems.
    ChaoticSoul

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 9:14 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I just had a talk with my MIL about a simular situation. I told her that everyone has a different parenting style and whether she agrees with me or not it was still my decision to make and she needed to back me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • haha. had a small issue with my mom way back with my dd. Stand up to her. Don't worry about hurting her feeling at this point, you have to do whats right for you and your child. Remind her this is your time as a mother. You will do it your way. if you want advice from her you will ask. worked for me.
    krise

    Answer by krise at 9:15 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • well frankly i finally had to get tough with my mother i told that these kids came out of my cooch not hers and that i have the papers on them so i will do things my way.
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:17 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • She helped you then, obviously you're thankful. It's time to step back. Sometimes you have no other way to tell them other than being blunt and it ends up hurting their feelings. I had to do the same thing to my own MIL (she's like a mother to me, and the only thing I've ever had closest to a mother). This is something you WILL regret later on in life if you don't put your foot down now. It's your time to shine, grandma had her turn.
    mom23boys679

    Answer by mom23boys679 at 9:34 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Be blunt. Let her know you appreciate all her help and advice, but the decision is ultimately yours, not hers. If needed, distance yourself for a few weeks so she knows she isn't "needed" any longer, but not so much that she feels like you don't want her around.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:35 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Stand up to your mother now or you will find your rights flapping in the breeze. If your still living with her or having her as a babysitter it's going to be hard to do but you can still do it. You owe her thanks and respect for what she's done but you owe her nothing more. Stop think-know anyone else who parents as YOU want to-if so bring up their names.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Well I hope you're not planning on doing that all at once, lol! Just tell her how much you appreciated her help while you were going through a rough time, but you feel like it's time you do this on your own and you would appreciate her support instead of being told you're wrong. Remind her that she probably made her share of mistakes as a mom, and you need to make yours.
    My2J.A.P.s

    Answer by My2J.A.P.s at 10:08 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

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