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What I can do for my best friend who is dealing with marital problems?

My best friend has been married for about 11yrs and its been somewhat rocky from the beginning. He was physically abusive towards her and after much work, they got that under control. For the last year or so, hes been having some physical issues and its made him completely miserable. He began drinking to minimize the pain and that makes him crazy. He hasnt hit her again in many years, but he has been verbally abusive and won't deal with his physical or emotional pain. Shes not perfect, but I think shes willing to deal. They live a very high lifestyle. Big house, big cars..ect. It was hard to walk away, but she did. She left her hummer, her home, gathered her kids, and had her dad come get her. I guess the stuff just wasn't worth it. I m so proud of her, but I know shes hurting. I don't have a lot of information as to what hes thinking, but I hope it got his attention. How can i help her?

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momofsaee

Asked by momofsaee at 11:29 AM on Jan. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • there's not much you can do but be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, but it's a very big thing to someone in that situation
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Just be there for her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:33 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Be her friend! Be there when she needs you.. That's what friends are for..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 11:35 AM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Love her and listen, listen, listen. Try not to say too much about how awful he is or what she should do.

    I feel horribly for the entire family, and said a prayer that they work it out for the good of all involved.
    joy2bamom

    Answer by joy2bamom at 12:10 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • a shoulder to cry on is the best thing a girl can use... be strong for her, and her kids, try making a play date with them to keep in touch and let her know you are there for her.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:11 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • just listen and dont give to much advice
    in the end, she will make all the decisions on her own, and if they work things out and you put him down or say negative things about him then she will just be upset with you later
    haileysmom2001

    Answer by haileysmom2001 at 12:21 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • The best thing that you can do for her is to make yourself available when she feels the need to talk, cry, scream or whatever other emotion she may need to get out. Just be there for her.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 12:59 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Just listen and offer support in anyway that you can. She's already had her life turned upside down, she just needs someone to care and not judge.
    PeytonNBella

    Answer by PeytonNBella at 1:34 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Thank you ladies...I know its going to be a very long road. I got a text from her this morning. She said that shes going to see a divorce atty today. She got in touch with him last night and they fought about her wanting a pool and him not wanting to spend the money. He told all his family that she left because he wouldn't put a pool in. We all know this is not about a pool, but because he can't give himself fully to her, he compensates by giving her material things and shes tired of it. She just wanted him to know that its not about the stuff. Thats the reason she left it all. I am just concerned for her kids. They are the most adorable kids. She also has two teenagers from a previous marriage who will also suffer.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:50 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I also was having marital problems (no abuse though). the best things people did for me were listen, take me out places, do things that made me feel pretty and girlie (like getting a pedicure etc), and most of all pray for me. For my situation my husband and I ended up working things out, but during those times of doubt I knew I could count on my friends and family to be there for me (my sister even asked me to stay at her place for a while.)
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 1:01 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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