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My boyfriend works about 12 hours a day and im at home watching the baby. i recently went back to work but i still feel like he is never home for us. when i ask him why he has to work so many hours he says "its my job, i have to pay the bills." we work at the same place, but hes at a different store now... i know how many hours the managers usually work, and its not 12. can anyone tell me what the deal might be? am i being a bitch?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on Jan. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It sounds to me like he is just trying to provide the best for your family. I honestly think you should be grateful for him, but that's just me.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 7:14 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I agree with Navymama they have overtime where they get paid more
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 7:17 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Everywhere I've ever known of, the management crew put in more hours than the regular employees because of paperwork, meetings etc... look at his paycheck stub and see how many hours are listed if it'll make you feel better. And just because it's that way at your store, doesn't always mean it is that way at another does it? check the stubs to satisfy yourself.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:24 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Ask him to sit down with you and go over the bills and to talk about your schedules. Let him know you love him and care about him and you know the bills are stressful. Also, 12 hours is too much for anyone to work daily. If he has a new job as manager, that may be part of it but he needs to work on cutting down to no more than 10 so he isn't exhausted, sick or burned out. He needs to pace himself. Keep the focus on the things that matter to him (paying the bills, doing a good job) and on his role as a father. I know you need him and now that you are working, you need him more. You need to mention that at some point, just not in the beginning or as the only focus of the discussion. That translates into needy, bitchy, demanding and selfish in man language. It's frustrating but if you speak his language, you are more likely to get what you need.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • My husband works close to 80 hours a week. Sure he could leave the office and let things sit until the next day. He could do things half ass to come home earlier. But that is not who he is. Sure maybe the other managers do not work as many hours as your boyfriend, but your boyfriend probably understands that his job takes hard work and dedication. Men show love by providing for their families. Let him show you his love in the way that he knows how. I say this as a woman who understands where you are coming from. My husband was suppose to be off today, but things happened and he has been at work all day. He is on call 24/7.

    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 7:45 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • My husband is the same way...Basically he wants to get promoted ASAP, so he is outworking the rest of the managers at his store. BTW-the rest of the management sucks at the store. They leave early, take vacations every other week. etc...Sometimes I get down and out about him not being home too often either, but I guess for a better future for all of us, he needs to do it. Atleast for now.
    MaiasMommy619

    Answer by MaiasMommy619 at 7:50 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • my hubby was the same wasy, i just (calmly) told him how i felt, and that the bills were paid, but i needed more than just a paycheck. try to be supportive and understanding, but also let him know how you feel. some men equate their success as a husband/father/provider with how much money is in the bank account. its their form of security. they dont get the emotional side of it.
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 1:00 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I used to be an assistant manager over concessions at the airport and we were required to work for a minimum of 10 hours, however, I usually worked on average 12-13 hours a day. No...I did not paid overtime either because it was salaried. Being a manager sucks, but I'm sure he makes good money. My husband works two jobs 4 days a week. I see him for 30 min in between jobs and that is it (other than his 3 days off.) I am staying home and going back to school to get a degree for when our son is in school. My husband is working hard for us and so that I can stay home and get a degree. Many husbands are not like ours...be happy that your's has you and your child's interest at heart. Things will get better.
    TheDragn01

    Answer by TheDragn01 at 10:48 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Sounds like the car business to me. I was in the car business for eight years and my SO has been in for over 10. It sucks, there is no time for family in the car business, thats for sure. Be grateful that he's working, try not to nag and be gratefuil for every moment that you do get w/him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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