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How do I confront my 15 yo daughter?

I was just in my daughters room cleaning up because I just can't help it :) and I found a small bag of pot in her drawer. I'm just so upset right now. I know what I should do but, I don't even know where to start. It's still sitting in her drawer. Why I put it back in there, I don't know. I thought she was smarter than this. How would any other Mom's handle this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • Gosh....hmmmm....see, I smoke pot myself. I do however see how this would upset you b/c at that age kids will start smoking and experimenting with everything. Not to mention it makes you sorta lazy and sluggish which means her homework and schoolwork will go down the drain if she smokes everyday (or almost everyday). I sure as heck worry about it when my son gets that age b/c I don't have a clue what I would say to him or do to him.
    I'm sitting here racking my brain trying to think of what to tell you. Because you know as well as I know that she'll probably not care what you think about it...and get mad at you for finding it in the first place. I guess just do alot of online searching for what to do and how to react.

    ....ran outta space, i'll continue w/ new post

    Answer by Elizabeth1015 at 9:01 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • You could always try taking it out and NOT saying a word about it, see what she does. And I'm all for looking through your child's things....I'm 24, and I know good and well that I had things I didn't want my family to know about when I was that young. You think you know everything at that age and you just don't. You really don't know anything about anything. So most importantly you have to be the mom not the friend. Whatever you have to do, you have to do it with will-power b/c there's sure to be a fight and some ugly words. Good Luck

    Answer by Elizabeth1015 at 9:01 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • When I was a teenager; it probably would have been more helpful for my dad to have scared me about it. He was honest and told me that he knew I was smoking. He wanted me to be honest and trust him. So, I told him that i was and he just told me to stay home and be in his house when I did it; to avoid trouble. he thought i was going to do it no matter what, so he wanted me to do it at the safety of his house. But i think I would have never tried another thing, if he took the opportunity to scare me. Teller her the truth. You were cleaning her room and that you feel the need to call the cops. Then play off of that and see how she reacts. Or you can try to see if she will be honest back with you. Which of her friends do it. She can't see them any more. You have to call their parents. I really don't know. I just think I would have been better off if I had been scared about it.

    Answer by angeladh82 at 9:04 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I would confront her immediately, but don't be blaming. The last thing you want to do is to push her or alienate her. Ask her if there is anything she wants to talk to you about and start telling her about how important it is that she trust you. Try to get her to open up and then bring up the subject of the pot. You need to be calm about it and not jump or yell that makes them more vulnerable to drugs. Ask where did she get it from and if she knows what it can do to you?

    Answer by SimplyCreative at 9:07 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I would be at the store buying a home drug test, then I would be back in her room taking it out (I would have removed it first) then when she got home I would sit her down and ask her about it, when she says "it's not mine I am holding it for a friend" I would hand her the test and make her take it.

    If it comes back negative, she would be grounded for quite a while, because either way she had something in her room that is a definate NO-NO. If she failed it everything would be taken away from her that isn't a necessity. There are 2 areas that will not be allowed while living in my house and that is one of them.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:09 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I say scare the piss out of her. I smoked pot when I was younger my parents found out and grounded me for alittle while, said: don't hang out with those friends anymore etc.. all it did was make me wanna do it even more, which i did and started to sneak around more too. I did them from 9th grade to about 11th grade. I went from straight A's to nearly flunking out of highschool, pot led to other drugs which led to alcohol, I was a mess. I would talk to a police officer, get them over to the house and have them charge her, get her ass on probation. Her juvenile record would be sealed by the time she became an adult, really no biggie. But she'll damn sure think twice about it, she'll be mad at you for a while, but i guess i'm kind of a tough love momma.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • At 16 I smoked pot. I grew out of it at 18, that was 6 years ago, and I never touched the stuff again. My mom went nuts, but honestly I don't think it was that harmful. I only did it at friends houses and we'd play video games and laugh and then take naps. Although, it is illegal. I don't know what I would do exactly. She could get arrested so definitely talk to her about it. But if she knows you were snooping, she won't trust you or tell you anything in the future.

    Answer by beforeyoureyes at 11:00 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Take the pot...leave a note where the pot was saying, "I need to talk with you." See what she does and if she comes to you.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 11:13 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Ooooooooh! Good one Southerncharmes! Ditto, here!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It worked when I caught my son dipping. :-) He's now 18yrs old and doesn't dip. Every time I would find dip hidden I would leave a note and throw the can away. It was a phase for him thank goodness.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 12:08 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

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