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What would YOU do? (Hubby stays out later than he says)

My husband for YEARS has stayed out WAY later than he said he would. Like 3-5 hours later. It's tough when I've got two small children here and think he'll be back at a certain time to help me. He was good about it for a little while a couple of months ago. Calling me if he went somewhere after work. ONE time I was mad when he called me because I had a VERY rough day with the girls and needed his help, he didn't come home right away, and he has since never called again. I'll even send him to the store to get some soda, 1 minute drive, I can see the store from here, and he'll be gone for 1/2 hour... talking. I got SO angry today about it. I just spent like 1/2 the day yelling and pissed off.
What would you do?
He left a lil while ago to take some movies back to a friend's. Once again, like a 3 minute walk. Said he'll be back by midnight. We'll see....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Jan. 2, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Can he be trusted to watch the kids? If so, give him a taste of his own medicine! leave him with the girls, tell him you need to go to the store and stay gone for a couple hours. If not, take the girls WITH you and tell him you're going out for a minute, then stay gone for six hours or so. Don't say you have nowhere to go--FIND somewhere. If you have a car, go to the mall , the library, Walmart, visit a friend, a relative etc. If not, WALK somewhere. I refuse to be a sitting duck for anybody. He'll get the picture after you do it a few times...
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 11:46 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Have you told him how you feel about him doing this? Not yelled at him, talked to him like a rational human being? That might help.

    If not, leave the kids with him, tell him you'll be back in an hour, and stay out for 3. That will teach him!
    Kaelaasmom

    Answer by Kaelaasmom at 11:43 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • I would wait until I'm not in a confrontational mood and sit down to talk to him about it. That's how I have to deal with things with my husband. If I just yell at him, he either doesn't listen or we just go around in circles.
    Silvertears1275

    Answer by Silvertears1275 at 11:43 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Yeah my husband is the same way and i too spent this day yelling and pissed off. Now I am planning on how I am going to leave him for a few days to teach him a lesson.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Jan. 2, 2009

  • Yep. My husband does it all the time. I stopped letting it bother me when I realized he wasn't doing it to be a d!ck. He just isn't good about keeping track of time. He gets so wrapped up in conversations he's having he loses track.

    Funny thing I noticed. When I started letting it roll off my back, he started getting better about it. It still happens, but as soon as he realizes it he calls or texts and apologizes. The upside? He did it tonight. So when he got home I told him in exchange I'm going out tomorrow for a few hours with my mom and he agreed without hesitation...and made me a couple of martinis!

    If you b*tch and moan at guys they shut you out. If you let their own guilt work on them it's amazing what will happen. Yeah, it's evil, but it works!!
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 12:07 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • My ex did the exact same thing. He was selling drugs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • That is really not fair to you at all. You need to talk to him and tell him when he says he will be home he needs to be home so he can help out with the kids.Tell him he has a responsibility. He does not need to be out all night. You need to tell him things need to change because you are tired of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I stayed out till 7 am once to prove a point. He didn't do that again for a long time

    I'm concerned though, about this constant thing. I would wait until you are not mad and then talk about it. I wonder why he is so consistent with this.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:52 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Tell him how you feel! Explain to him how you shouldnt be in this alone and how he needs to care more! If he doesn't help,I'd try some sort of marriage counseling
    sweetest-sin7

    Answer by sweetest-sin7 at 12:56 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Mine would always call to tell me he was coming home, then sometimes call again later to tell me he was running late. One night (while I was pregnant) he called, then called again later, then I fell asleep. I woke up 2.5 hrs. later--after the bar had closed--to find that he still wasn't home. I called the jail and hospitals, then back to the police station. They sent someone out to my house--I don't know why--to fill out a missing person's report. The officer arrived at the same time as my DH, who apparently had expired tags (which I didn't know).

    I know that it was mean, but it was not intentional, and he learned a good lesson that night. He was pissed at first, but I can assure you he has always kept in touch with me since then!
    BobbysMom2007

    Answer by BobbysMom2007 at 1:06 AM on Jan. 3, 2009