I think that if the adoptive parents have reached a point where they don't want the adoptive child for any reason, the yes allow the child to go to a home where they can love and bond with the child freely!

Do I think saying it's the CHILDS fault that they weren't able to bond? No way.... I think part of that is trying to justify how you feel. I am sure that the parents adopted 'D' with the greatest hope that things would work out perfect, and it's really hard to deal when they don't.

Do I think bonding is a legitimate reason to absolve an adoption? It could be. It might have happened due to unrealistic expectations...but we'll never know. Lets just hope that baby goes to a new and loving home.

ethans_momma06 Oct. 2, 2009 at 12:10 PM

I"m torn.

This family made a promise to love and raise this child and then said, "umm, no thanks" 18 months later. 18 months! That is quite a long time in the life of a young child. How can you make a promise to a child and then go back on it.

On the other had is it not better to give this child the chance to join a family that will love and accept her (or him) "as is". How could it be a good thing to keep a child you don't want, don't love.

I guess all I can say is I hope and pray I will never be placed in a situation like that.

littleredpony Oct. 2, 2009 at 12:20 PM

If she could give up the baby after 18 months, she didn't bond.  I would also believe it possible that the baby didn't bond with them.  Think about it - if your child treated you the same as their daycare provider and you never got the "Yay, that's MY Mommy!" response, how special would you feel?  Unlike people whose children have bonding issues they've birthed, this lady already had the disadvantage of having biological children and knowing that bonding usually starts during pregnancy.

I'm babbling, but my point is, if she couldn't bond after that long, it was better to let omeone else try.

RanaAurora Oct. 2, 2009 at 12:31 PM

I think that when you decide to adopt a child is because you are mature and emotionally capable to commit to that child like he or she was your own. If you are not you better don't do it because the only one who will suffer is the poor kid. Those persons took adopting like a game or something you buy in a store that when you don't want it or don't work like you want you take it back to the store. A child is not an article is a human being with feelings. Think of that child that is now suffering because the only parents he knew abandon him in a place he feel a stranger wondering why they don't love him any more is horrible. I think they dint committed to him as a son because when you have a kid of your own and you don't bond you cant take them back to he hospital.

nily Oct. 2, 2009 at 8:03 PM

I could not have said this better myself:

"If she could give up the baby after 18 months, she didn't bond.  I would also believe it possible that the baby didn't bond with them.  Think about it - if your child treated you the same as their daycare provider and you never got the "Yay, that's MY Mommy!" response, how special would you feel?  Unlike people whose children have bonding issues they've birthed, this lady already had the disadvantage of having biological children and knowing that bonding usually starts during pregnancy.

I'm babbling, but my point is, if she couldn't bond after that long, it was better to let omeone else try.

RanaAurora Oct. 2, 2009 at 12:31 PM "



Well said RanaAurora.

PinkSodaPop Oct. 2, 2009 at 8:07 PM

what about the little child who most probably did bond with the family and now has to be somewhere else wondering what happened? I'm sad =-(

sodapple Oct. 2, 2009 at 8:17 PM

Better that she gave up the baby, yes. Bonding? Bullpuckey anyway.

gdiamante Oct. 2, 2009 at 8:52 PM

I find that pretty upsetting, honestly.  That poor child- abandoned not once, but twice by parents who were supposed to love him/her for a lifetime.  A child is not a piece of merchandise to be returned if it doesn't meet expectations.  I really wonder what the adopted mother was thinking going into the adoption.  Making someone your child is not supposed to be a reversible procedure.  Good thing she seems to think her biological kids measure up to expectations since there's nowhere to return them to.  I really can't imagine the fallout from this- both for the child who was 'returned' like shoddy merchandise, the other siblings who just watched Mom ditch a child who she didn't feel connected to... honestly the more I type the more I think that everyone would have been much better served if the mom had taken a good long look at herself with the help of a counselor to get to the bottom of her feelings/expectations about the adoption.  JMO!

Freela Oct. 2, 2009 at 9:12 PM

unless htere was some sort of diagonosed con=gnative issue for this baby-he DID bind. Maybe not like her bioo kids did, but he is an individual after all. I htink that if she couldnt love this baby , then she did the best thing for him by letting him have a chance at a loving home. My question is-18 months? she needed 18 months-with that lil one with that big family, bonding with at least a few of them-to decide it just wasnt working out? I hope to God they do not approve her for any more adoptions and I would not want to be her the day Jesus comes to town. Yeah it would be painful to feel you arent bonding with a child...but sorry she is a grown woman who can articulate her pain...a 18 month old cannot. poor poor baby, may angels sleep with him tonight so he knows he was not bad, he did nothing wrong that mommy went away. shame on her, she isnt a mother. not at all.

Bearsjen Oct. 2, 2009 at 11:22 PM

All I can say is thank God she gave the baby back. In so many situations where the parent/s don't bond with the child abuse often comes into play.  That poor child is better off and is being given another chance to find a family that will love and care for him the way he should be loved and cared for.

boizmom Oct. 3, 2009 at 9:27 AM